And then God asked for forgiveness..

Dear Howard,

the things we hold dearest to our heart, today was shattered for me....it was crushed, and crumpled, and withered away in my sight..and i stood there as helpless as the limbless Jaggannath....the decider of many destinies....

yes, my love, today, my invinciblity was taken from me....the impregnability of my unchartered ego was taken from me...as the remnants of what was rain yesterday on todays drying ground....and the many colors you would ignore if u are not to look at it through a dirty window..

the condescending vanquisher, even graciously smiled...to look for the smug satisfaction in my face, where i would reveal everything i chose not to in the first place...ah...how satsified must his mosnter be..while mine lies conquered and victimised..

but who may i turn for comfort??...Le Princess??? who hath none but her Hercules on mind...???

or Le Freud??...who hath a lot more on her mind?? Or perhaps to the creator....the master....the man who hath escaped such fate as mine..he who has shown me the way several times before??....

but i wish i had u here Howard...rite beside me..as i regaled u with the tale of my vanquisher.... how we battled for years...perhaps as many years as ive had consciouness...only to be finally swallowed by the endlessness of loss....the eternity of grief.....the masturbation of the cosmos...where for a second of pleasure they have jerked me around for an entire lifetime...and when they came.....they did not exhibit courtesy in the slightest...did not ask for my number...they just wore their jackets and walked...
now someitmes its okay to lose...a BATTLE...but then again..who doesnt like going out with grace Howard?
Its not much to ask for...if u want my head...take it..
but theres just so mnay time u can fuck with my country..YOU mother-fucking-terrorists!!!

Yours Truly...
Choleric

Dear Howard,
Today was a special day. Not once was I hounded with thoughts of your absence, and not once was I immersed in my own judgement. After a demonic autopsy of my bilingual brain, which is to say the communist and the capitalist, I have arrived at one very primary yet very substantiated-by-evidence sort of a conclusion. Time does work its wonder eventually, no matter how inane and incessant you have been about its lack of any posthumous power. it does darling. it can work like a charm if an incantation is what you've been loking for. it can breathe for you, if life support is whats been getting u through it all. it can weave for you when you're short of fabric, and it can knit for you when you're pregnant. Speaking of which guess who got knocked up by ace gay designer.
Nevermind, Im still in my teenage years and hence i hope im allowed my share of wicked gossip, coz i know for a fact sister, as u get older, the gossip gets realistic. and u know how much i hate realism don't you Howard? How i have faught with everything you stood for? How i have embraced the one thing even you couldnt get urself to accept?...How easily i have become a mortal and swung away toward the cumulative distaste.
Never once was i prostrate at your feet..u still commmanded a student out of me. A silly faggot. YOUR mentee. wat were u thinking HOward??...Did u honestly think i would play the part? That i would be Juliet and blow kisses out of the window? That u wud finally be able to make me moan? Forgive me Howard, there isnt much truth to anything i do these days. Must be the flu. And in hopes of one day perhaps getting recruited by YOU-KNOW-WHO, i really hope you'd come and take one good, long, despaired look at me and swear and tell me what a fuck i've been, n cry n apologise n tell me it was always me.....and perhaps Howard i;ll take u back...if everything u say turns to something pink...n not grey as with everyhting else around u....though i must admit i HAVE learnt to appreciate a whole lotta grey with u around...today i saw five women in grey n thought that they looked remarkable.....just didnt know how to take in ur spirit Howard..

and yes while there will not be many of You (infact im pretty sure there only one of u in this world), or even any like you.....but im afraid i'll be, well not happy, but im sure i'll be rested.....n wat good is it doing anyway not to be...the world remains shut...n i remain to myself......

i have and will make it clear again to you Howard....i have always, still do, and will always want to be in control.....Live With It....sorry but u can't....coz from im lookin...after im done...ull already be dead....in spirit of course...do not take this as an attempt on ur life...im not Sylvia Platt and its not my job to make u suicidal.....

URS for the taking

Quarantined Cholera Victim