Beloved Howard,
ThisisthendBeautifulfriendThisistheendMyonlyfriend,theendOfourelaborateplans,theendOfeverythingthatstands,theendNosafetyorsurprise,theendIllneverlookintoyoureyes...againCanyoupicturewhatwillbeSolimitlessandfreeDesperatelyinneed...ofsome...strangershandIna...desperatelandLostinaroman...wildernessofpainAndallthechildrenareinsaneAllthechildrenareinsaneWaitingforthesummerrain,yeahTheresdangerontheedgeoftownRidethekingshighway,babyWeirdscenesinsidethegoldmineRidethehighwaywest,babyRidethesnake,ridethesnakeTothelake,theancientlake,babyThesnakeislong,sevenmilesRidethesnake...he’sold,andhisskiniscoldThewestisthebestThewestisebestGethere,andwe’lldotherestTheBluebusiscallingusThebluebusiscallingusDriver,whereyoutakenusThekillerawokebeforedawn,heputhisbootsonHetookafacefromtheancientgalleryAndhewalkedondownthehallHewentintotheroomwherehissisterlived,and...thenhePaidavisittohisbrother,andthenheHewalkedondownthehall,andAndhecametoadoor...andhelookedinsideFather,yesson,IwanttokillyouMother...Iwantto...fuckyouCmonbaby,takeachancewithusCmonbaby,takeachancewithusCmonbaby,takeachancewithusAndmeetmeatthebackofthebluebusDoinabluerockOnabluebusDoinabluerockCmon,yeahKill,kill,kill,kill,kill,killThisistheendBeautifulfriendThisistheendMyonlyfriend,theendIthurtstosetyoufreeButyou’llneverfollowmeTheendoflaughterandsoftliesTheendofnightswetriedtodie.This is the end
I will love you forever...but I set you free...
Choleric
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
My Peace..
Beloved Howard,
Through my very own concussion concocted for my own personal agenda....I could hear the cracks well enough...the cracks now pounding and throbbing against my cranium....and the fresh cracks now opening up...trying to allow some of my resonating thoughts to be let out....for some of my own(again and cringes) creations to seep out and float far far away for me..
I do NOT need this...I did NOT bargain for this....THIS is the part I’m always afraid of...the part where I have to literally force myself to see the better, the clearer, the bigger picture...all to be given eventually the same old response I have dreaded throughout my life....The same old response that makes me cringe for an eclipsed day...and an undying night...where I can sink into my very own pits f hell....transform into the real me...the weird alien in every situation....the man against every word ever written for anything positive...the man every other man hates....and the man who likewise hates every other man...Even the thoughts of being with my Ghost are not placating enough right now...
The truth lies in the simple honest response...An apology that goes unanswered perhaps beats the living crap out of you...and if a confession of genuine feelings towards someone also goes unanswered at the same time.....it leaves the person undone for life...and nevermind the facade now...it serves no purpose..
I am falling through my pit unending and helpless....my own not overeager to escape my lips scream barely reaches the walls and the faintly disappears against its own echo...which is also absorbed by the very moss on the walls....There’s moss.....I thought I would be past noticing anything.....My very own hell....with no fire....just splitting headaches and facing the world of rejection every second of my existence....Roxie....I know how you felt....EVERYTIME!!!
Nullified by my very own ego, I cradle in my own hearth....stoking the fire with my bones....and my hair braided together and gelled in my tears to dry up to make a good poke....(I’ve always had good texture). There aren’t enough undertakes to collect my pieces and burn them for the poison that they are....so they let them lay....and dry up on their own...and wither with natural decomposition...
Goodnight Love
Yours finally at Peace
Choleric
Through my very own concussion concocted for my own personal agenda....I could hear the cracks well enough...the cracks now pounding and throbbing against my cranium....and the fresh cracks now opening up...trying to allow some of my resonating thoughts to be let out....for some of my own(again and cringes) creations to seep out and float far far away for me..
I do NOT need this...I did NOT bargain for this....THIS is the part I’m always afraid of...the part where I have to literally force myself to see the better, the clearer, the bigger picture...all to be given eventually the same old response I have dreaded throughout my life....The same old response that makes me cringe for an eclipsed day...and an undying night...where I can sink into my very own pits f hell....transform into the real me...the weird alien in every situation....the man against every word ever written for anything positive...the man every other man hates....and the man who likewise hates every other man...Even the thoughts of being with my Ghost are not placating enough right now...
The truth lies in the simple honest response...An apology that goes unanswered perhaps beats the living crap out of you...and if a confession of genuine feelings towards someone also goes unanswered at the same time.....it leaves the person undone for life...and nevermind the facade now...it serves no purpose..
I am falling through my pit unending and helpless....my own not overeager to escape my lips scream barely reaches the walls and the faintly disappears against its own echo...which is also absorbed by the very moss on the walls....There’s moss.....I thought I would be past noticing anything.....My very own hell....with no fire....just splitting headaches and facing the world of rejection every second of my existence....Roxie....I know how you felt....EVERYTIME!!!
Nullified by my very own ego, I cradle in my own hearth....stoking the fire with my bones....and my hair braided together and gelled in my tears to dry up to make a good poke....(I’ve always had good texture). There aren’t enough undertakes to collect my pieces and burn them for the poison that they are....so they let them lay....and dry up on their own...and wither with natural decomposition...
Goodnight Love
Yours finally at Peace
Choleric
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
X and Z...
Beloved Howard,
What an X is capable of, we have already been exposed to in an inspirational, somewhat defined yet highly enjoyable and unending monologue by God...so I will not launch in to one of my own monologues about the power of an X, which is obviously extremely paradoxical coz these letters are nothing but monologues, where I have never been able to get a single response from you EVER love.
A ‘Y’ in my life seems highly unlikely and therefore I am forever and very helplessly if I may add, pondering over the X and the Z. I am forever pondering over my Z and a home with him at the end of the world...where he sings to me and I sit on the floor and sketch his various forms. I ponder over the X with whom I nearly had a home at the end of the world and with whom I sat on the floor and sketched other forms. The same X with whom I once shared Bed n Breakfast...and the same man whose scent wouldn’t leave me for days. He is the same man I once tormented into appreciating the larger things in life....and even though I was recently spotted defending small things...I am STILL the God of Big Things....wherein the small things remain small and unnoticed, as is their purpose and place in the world.
This X...the Ghost as you may recall....has often thought of me at the most inopportune of times...mostly when I am fantasising about other men his age...or even pleasuring them. It’s as though he sits in the shadows, waiting with “breath that is bated”....for me to find something close to the average wholeness I have resigned to accept in his absence, and then he makes his move...makes me fall in love with his voice every time I have tried to hear what other voices are trying to sing to me. He was my albatross to carry for the past three years, an albatross I sometimes resigned to hug and make love to despite it being dead. He was my “ORIGINAL” sin. He was my first brick on the pathway to eternal damnation. YET, I cannot help but give in to the fact that there may be diversions along the way...but it is possible to find somebody who completes you in the first round of stepping in the ring. The bell clangs and you are pushed out of your closeted corner to face the “enemy”. The “enemy” here being the Ghost...the Ghost who unlike other spirits did not continue and move further away from me...it stuck along for the ride...and followed me around to my bed everyday...when I would wake up with a moistness in my palm, and goose pimples on my neck...as though He’d held my hand through the night and kissed my neck as I stirred awake. When I’m finally awake a whispered cry escapes my lips...a cry for him to cradle me against his sweet smelling chest and a cry to take me...Right here in the middle of my R.E.M.
The Ghost never once after my crass dismissal showed up again, not even to hear my apologies, but one day by the hand of “my new Goddess?”, he startled me awake one night, and his wispy voice breaking through the dimensions of bad reception, choked out the words I realized I’d been longing to hear only then, “I miss you to death.....”. The confession was followed by a very “pregnant pause” ..and then when I found my voice, groggy and confused from not having been used for so long(read three years)...”I miss you too...I’ve never stopped missing you...I can’t even being to tell you how much”......
The confessions were followed by a resolve....I know what I want...there isn’t much I have to lose...I will persevere...and I will make myself unavoidable..And irresistible...
The Ghost was driven away using a combination of Voodoo and other cauldron tricks I never knew I was aware of...those same tricks seem to be needed now...for the concoction of my Z....for eternity this time...
Goodnight Love
Yours in Deep Love
Choleric
What an X is capable of, we have already been exposed to in an inspirational, somewhat defined yet highly enjoyable and unending monologue by God...so I will not launch in to one of my own monologues about the power of an X, which is obviously extremely paradoxical coz these letters are nothing but monologues, where I have never been able to get a single response from you EVER love.
A ‘Y’ in my life seems highly unlikely and therefore I am forever and very helplessly if I may add, pondering over the X and the Z. I am forever pondering over my Z and a home with him at the end of the world...where he sings to me and I sit on the floor and sketch his various forms. I ponder over the X with whom I nearly had a home at the end of the world and with whom I sat on the floor and sketched other forms. The same X with whom I once shared Bed n Breakfast...and the same man whose scent wouldn’t leave me for days. He is the same man I once tormented into appreciating the larger things in life....and even though I was recently spotted defending small things...I am STILL the God of Big Things....wherein the small things remain small and unnoticed, as is their purpose and place in the world.
This X...the Ghost as you may recall....has often thought of me at the most inopportune of times...mostly when I am fantasising about other men his age...or even pleasuring them. It’s as though he sits in the shadows, waiting with “breath that is bated”....for me to find something close to the average wholeness I have resigned to accept in his absence, and then he makes his move...makes me fall in love with his voice every time I have tried to hear what other voices are trying to sing to me. He was my albatross to carry for the past three years, an albatross I sometimes resigned to hug and make love to despite it being dead. He was my “ORIGINAL” sin. He was my first brick on the pathway to eternal damnation. YET, I cannot help but give in to the fact that there may be diversions along the way...but it is possible to find somebody who completes you in the first round of stepping in the ring. The bell clangs and you are pushed out of your closeted corner to face the “enemy”. The “enemy” here being the Ghost...the Ghost who unlike other spirits did not continue and move further away from me...it stuck along for the ride...and followed me around to my bed everyday...when I would wake up with a moistness in my palm, and goose pimples on my neck...as though He’d held my hand through the night and kissed my neck as I stirred awake. When I’m finally awake a whispered cry escapes my lips...a cry for him to cradle me against his sweet smelling chest and a cry to take me...Right here in the middle of my R.E.M.
The Ghost never once after my crass dismissal showed up again, not even to hear my apologies, but one day by the hand of “my new Goddess?”, he startled me awake one night, and his wispy voice breaking through the dimensions of bad reception, choked out the words I realized I’d been longing to hear only then, “I miss you to death.....”. The confession was followed by a very “pregnant pause” ..and then when I found my voice, groggy and confused from not having been used for so long(read three years)...”I miss you too...I’ve never stopped missing you...I can’t even being to tell you how much”......
The confessions were followed by a resolve....I know what I want...there isn’t much I have to lose...I will persevere...and I will make myself unavoidable..And irresistible...
The Ghost was driven away using a combination of Voodoo and other cauldron tricks I never knew I was aware of...those same tricks seem to be needed now...for the concoction of my Z....for eternity this time...
Goodnight Love
Yours in Deep Love
Choleric
Thursday, August 20, 2009
To Be or Not to Be...in Love...
Beloved Howard,
Much has NOT happened since I saw you last...in fact...the last time I saw you, was the last time truly felt i belonged to a lesser lifestyle....Well then, perhaps its best that I haven’t seen you in long...I often wonder what you get up to in your diseased, closeted and you “six-feet-from-the-edge” world...But then I get over it...”It doesn’t take much to distract immortality”...
It has, as you are well aware...always been a dream of mine to fall headfirst into L-for the way you kiss me-O-for the only conscious thought in my recessive brain-V-for the very elaborate scheme of things I have planned for you-E-for the extraordinary events that seem to cloud your life every time I’m around. You are perhaps also aware that the dream has always left me longing and aching...and more often than not highly disappointed. But that’s a price one pays for unconscious subcutaneous flesh grown after years of trial and ERROR. Error, just like any ordinary homebred owl, always leaves you reckless....not restless...eventually after all these years and years of errors I’ve been accustomed to it....yes reckless and thrilling for cheaper and cheaper avenues for self preservation and pleasuring. A small aspect of this wholesome existence is that the small aspects do not affect me anymore; neither do their causes and effects on lesser immortals. The world is a u much smaller place love. It has grown since you left but only in its physical existential dimension. It has shrunk down though in opportunities and love affairs for the soul, which no longer serve the humiliating purpose of chicken soup.
Do you remember love, when we created a world one day, we made love on sheets made of paper, and it ripped and cracked and crumpled and stained and smudged but we kept on until we both were about to deliver the world a beautiful orgasm, one never seen or heard of by virgins such as us. But you left me, hanging high and wet just before the climax and just before we had a chance to show the world how beautiful we were together.
That was the day I think I fell in love with you...the day you made me see heaven from a distance and almost let me touch it. The day we both made solemn vows to never lay eyes upon each other again, despite the several attempts thereafter. But do you remember how I came to you one of those days and told you that I had seen the face of an unknown Ghost, just then.
The Ghost is haunting my thoughts, with phantom promises of soul mate companionship...
Goodnight Love
Yours in Love again
Choleric
Much has NOT happened since I saw you last...in fact...the last time I saw you, was the last time truly felt i belonged to a lesser lifestyle....Well then, perhaps its best that I haven’t seen you in long...I often wonder what you get up to in your diseased, closeted and you “six-feet-from-the-edge” world...But then I get over it...”It doesn’t take much to distract immortality”...
It has, as you are well aware...always been a dream of mine to fall headfirst into L-for the way you kiss me-O-for the only conscious thought in my recessive brain-V-for the very elaborate scheme of things I have planned for you-E-for the extraordinary events that seem to cloud your life every time I’m around. You are perhaps also aware that the dream has always left me longing and aching...and more often than not highly disappointed. But that’s a price one pays for unconscious subcutaneous flesh grown after years of trial and ERROR. Error, just like any ordinary homebred owl, always leaves you reckless....not restless...eventually after all these years and years of errors I’ve been accustomed to it....yes reckless and thrilling for cheaper and cheaper avenues for self preservation and pleasuring. A small aspect of this wholesome existence is that the small aspects do not affect me anymore; neither do their causes and effects on lesser immortals. The world is a u much smaller place love. It has grown since you left but only in its physical existential dimension. It has shrunk down though in opportunities and love affairs for the soul, which no longer serve the humiliating purpose of chicken soup.
Do you remember love, when we created a world one day, we made love on sheets made of paper, and it ripped and cracked and crumpled and stained and smudged but we kept on until we both were about to deliver the world a beautiful orgasm, one never seen or heard of by virgins such as us. But you left me, hanging high and wet just before the climax and just before we had a chance to show the world how beautiful we were together.
That was the day I think I fell in love with you...the day you made me see heaven from a distance and almost let me touch it. The day we both made solemn vows to never lay eyes upon each other again, despite the several attempts thereafter. But do you remember how I came to you one of those days and told you that I had seen the face of an unknown Ghost, just then.
The Ghost is haunting my thoughts, with phantom promises of soul mate companionship...
Goodnight Love
Yours in Love again
Choleric
Friday, August 14, 2009
Asses to Asses....Bust to Bust...
Beloved Howard,
There are many things I have not been able to tell over the past few unending weeks....for that I must apologize...and I hope dearly that you would forgive me my trespasses...in time...as I forgave you yours...
Of course, just so you do not miss out on the several unbelievable happenings....there is much I have to tell you....let us begin as usual with the Princess and her pet Penis...they seem fine...more than fine...The Freudians seem better...Fine, actually...Just Fine...The Wicked Stepsister is futile and a waste...much to my comfort...The Shakes-His-Belly-Like-A-Bowlful-Of-Jelly guy is doing the exact same thing I was afraid he would do...there isn’t much else I think he can do. Now forgiving his trespasses, has of course become a habit of mine...and there isn’t much about his situation that bothers me anymore....
The very thread of sanctimonious rituals in my extraordinary life has now been covered in grime...due to its constant use around haemophilic people....you know ones with low sperm count...And by implication lesser-slash-smaller balls.....they do not feed much to the brain...besides straight guy garbage about sex and when they are asked to take a stand...they refuse-slash-chicken out....It was this dire need of a MAN in my life that made me dig up files and notes form my past....everything that I have saved as records of people I have loved....that have gather dust and grime of their own over time....only this grime is of dried cum...Loads of it, which was shot during hours of lovemaking...yes lovemaking not painless violation in the presence of another...It made me ache to my stomach and the longing for a man I had long left behind left me gasping for his voice...
This entire evening was deliberated upon by reading mails, chats, letters, scouting pictures, apologies, fights, and of course passion.....passion that you don’t just find again..not until a chance meeting with one...who probably doesn’t respond to your passion...despite you giving them your fucking virtue....damning yourself to the pits of hell...all to hear a couple of words...they do not have the courage to say....and yes it takes you back to the people who DID have the courage and were perhaps not as haemophiliac as the current conquests...
This old flame was my first...the one I have always reverted to back and forth as though a pendulum...and he responds every time with care and passion...one that now rests far far away in a land hitherto known as my own...I miss being his company....and I miss his stories...ones about magical kingdoms with Princes and Princesses and dragons and sorcerers....
Most of all, I miss the smell....
Goodnight Love
Choleric
There are many things I have not been able to tell over the past few unending weeks....for that I must apologize...and I hope dearly that you would forgive me my trespasses...in time...as I forgave you yours...
Of course, just so you do not miss out on the several unbelievable happenings....there is much I have to tell you....let us begin as usual with the Princess and her pet Penis...they seem fine...more than fine...The Freudians seem better...Fine, actually...Just Fine...The Wicked Stepsister is futile and a waste...much to my comfort...The Shakes-His-Belly-Like-A-Bowlful-Of-Jelly guy is doing the exact same thing I was afraid he would do...there isn’t much else I think he can do. Now forgiving his trespasses, has of course become a habit of mine...and there isn’t much about his situation that bothers me anymore....
The very thread of sanctimonious rituals in my extraordinary life has now been covered in grime...due to its constant use around haemophilic people....you know ones with low sperm count...And by implication lesser-slash-smaller balls.....they do not feed much to the brain...besides straight guy garbage about sex and when they are asked to take a stand...they refuse-slash-chicken out....It was this dire need of a MAN in my life that made me dig up files and notes form my past....everything that I have saved as records of people I have loved....that have gather dust and grime of their own over time....only this grime is of dried cum...Loads of it, which was shot during hours of lovemaking...yes lovemaking not painless violation in the presence of another...It made me ache to my stomach and the longing for a man I had long left behind left me gasping for his voice...
This entire evening was deliberated upon by reading mails, chats, letters, scouting pictures, apologies, fights, and of course passion.....passion that you don’t just find again..not until a chance meeting with one...who probably doesn’t respond to your passion...despite you giving them your fucking virtue....damning yourself to the pits of hell...all to hear a couple of words...they do not have the courage to say....and yes it takes you back to the people who DID have the courage and were perhaps not as haemophiliac as the current conquests...
This old flame was my first...the one I have always reverted to back and forth as though a pendulum...and he responds every time with care and passion...one that now rests far far away in a land hitherto known as my own...I miss being his company....and I miss his stories...ones about magical kingdoms with Princes and Princesses and dragons and sorcerers....
Most of all, I miss the smell....
Goodnight Love
Choleric
Monday, July 27, 2009
Of Plucked Flowers and Bloody Marys
Beloved Howard,
"Sunday morning, while waking up, I can't even focus on a coffee cup, an anorexic outburst disrupts the din...Where do i start, where do I begin??"
Sooooo, how have you been Howard?? Anymore claimed dead?? No? There isn't much of a market is there?
Of course you can see right through my transperant attempts, can you not love?..
Well in an intentional effort to not insult your intelligence...I would like to inform you..that I am no more a Mary, who has a place in heaven...
But then again , Heaven and Hell are merely folklores to entertain the Catholics and to scare the Jesuits...
And hence, to rephrase that in a manner perhaps more befitting an immortal, I am no longer a virgin...at least not in the way you remember me...
"Yes....and how does that make you feel??"
Shrinks have a way of making everything look extremely trivial and irrelevant in the "larger picture"....Well....who the EFFFFF gives an EFFFFFF about the EFFFING larger picture??...
Isnt it these trivial details that sort of redefine your means and your ends in the larger EFFFFFING picture...??
Well just so you know, it wasn't much of a deflowering ceremony...it was quick and rushed....I gave into my mortal state for once...and screamed for the blood in my veins and the air in my lungs....
As I was ,very carefully if I may add, grabbed by my thighs and softly violated....I realized, i was just losing out another great dream....and gaining another one..one with much more tangibility...and much more virlity....(dearest reckoning, if ur peeping...I called but you were unavailable)..
Without much else to concetrate on...I left with a sense of reconciled exhaustion..and the smell of Dainty daisies...
Now I know the question on your mind....Who was it....who took the right that was obviously yours immortaly...and screwed (quite literally) you out of your dues....
Well it was someone I promised you I wouldnt mention....and as per our previous correspondence, Is known as The Lord of Anorexia, n there will be no further discussions on him.
Suffice it to say...that Im waiting for a more oppurtune time now...to complete what was started....and left for the dead.....thnanks to my silly little mortality...something I've been trying to conquer sice the day I was born...which was not very long ago...
Yours a little Sore
Choleric
"Sunday morning, while waking up, I can't even focus on a coffee cup, an anorexic outburst disrupts the din...Where do i start, where do I begin??"
Sooooo, how have you been Howard?? Anymore claimed dead?? No? There isn't much of a market is there?
Of course you can see right through my transperant attempts, can you not love?..
Well in an intentional effort to not insult your intelligence...I would like to inform you..that I am no more a Mary, who has a place in heaven...
But then again , Heaven and Hell are merely folklores to entertain the Catholics and to scare the Jesuits...
And hence, to rephrase that in a manner perhaps more befitting an immortal, I am no longer a virgin...at least not in the way you remember me...
"Yes....and how does that make you feel??"
Shrinks have a way of making everything look extremely trivial and irrelevant in the "larger picture"....Well....who the EFFFFF gives an EFFFFFF about the EFFFING larger picture??...
Isnt it these trivial details that sort of redefine your means and your ends in the larger EFFFFFING picture...??
Well just so you know, it wasn't much of a deflowering ceremony...it was quick and rushed....I gave into my mortal state for once...and screamed for the blood in my veins and the air in my lungs....
As I was ,very carefully if I may add, grabbed by my thighs and softly violated....I realized, i was just losing out another great dream....and gaining another one..one with much more tangibility...and much more virlity....(dearest reckoning, if ur peeping...I called but you were unavailable)..
Without much else to concetrate on...I left with a sense of reconciled exhaustion..and the smell of Dainty daisies...
Now I know the question on your mind....Who was it....who took the right that was obviously yours immortaly...and screwed (quite literally) you out of your dues....
Well it was someone I promised you I wouldnt mention....and as per our previous correspondence, Is known as The Lord of Anorexia, n there will be no further discussions on him.
Suffice it to say...that Im waiting for a more oppurtune time now...to complete what was started....and left for the dead.....thnanks to my silly little mortality...something I've been trying to conquer sice the day I was born...which was not very long ago...
Yours a little Sore
Choleric
Friday, July 24, 2009
A call from the Ghost
Beloved Howard,
Today was uncanny. I dreamt of several things, and then one after the other the intangible and unremarkable dreams all condensed into relaity, or atleast indicated toward a "prosperous", overreaching, rehabilitated yet plagued future.
Donot be impatient love, I will elaborate. But first let me apprise of the recent happening all over the world.
The Princess is TRULY happily (much to my pessimistic surprise) married...and I miss her much...but she promises to return to my life...one day...and I am willing to wait...(again much to my own surprise)..
The Freudians of the world have managed to make contact with civilization, they need more time however...n they shall get it...as will the other..(man wat is the matter with me?)...
The Insectivore has agreed to lose his much despised and reverred virgninty....and embrace my path to sluttiment....which somtime ends up with brilliant results....
Which brings me to my last update....perhaps the most consequential one...I have stumbled across someone...about whom I will refrain from speaking for he has access to these pious correspondences. However for the purpose of keeping you updated, lets call him The Lord of Anorexia.
So...getting back to the matter at hand, which is in general everything, but specifically for today, the twisted workings of the human mind...or lets call it in this case, the ASSHOLE'S mind.
Is it Christmas?....And did Santa baby completely forget me this time??...I thought not...
okay...so am I Scrooge....or anything like him??....I agree....Im not, my immortal love...
Then why, has this ghost risen form the depths of hell disrupt my averagely rebuilt life, with its mediocre bricks and insufficient walls, and its broken windows with rusty metal latches, and its assymetric checkerboard flooring, reclaiming lost Christmases...and inviting me for dinner??
Was is not enough that this Ghost once drove me to near madness...??...and at one point even force me to fall for an Undesirable...
And was it not enough that he showed a general lack of compassion, especially wen it came to entertaining a certain "Queen"...which became my excuse for a snap that had long been due..
And then he sniffed me out..after months of freedom...wherein I became "Mr. Freedom"(with several shirt buttons missing....) and called me to INVITE ME FOR DINNER?
ARE U KIDDING??
not quite....
sadly...
And to make matters worse...The Ghost is carrying his chains to emphasise my loss...my only mortal loss Howard, and I refuse to face this Ghost...not until the cosmos conspire agianst me....
Wen he does reach this kingdom far-far-away, I shall feign death, and I shall disappear, in my own pits of death, rather than face him and become another lesser immortal with my losses and my hurt flung in my face, similar to a well-aimed cumshot, only this one is actually venomous to my existence.
Goodnight Love
Yours in Silence of the Lions
Choleric
Today was uncanny. I dreamt of several things, and then one after the other the intangible and unremarkable dreams all condensed into relaity, or atleast indicated toward a "prosperous", overreaching, rehabilitated yet plagued future.
Donot be impatient love, I will elaborate. But first let me apprise of the recent happening all over the world.
The Princess is TRULY happily (much to my pessimistic surprise) married...and I miss her much...but she promises to return to my life...one day...and I am willing to wait...(again much to my own surprise)..
The Freudians of the world have managed to make contact with civilization, they need more time however...n they shall get it...as will the other..(man wat is the matter with me?)...
The Insectivore has agreed to lose his much despised and reverred virgninty....and embrace my path to sluttiment....which somtime ends up with brilliant results....
Which brings me to my last update....perhaps the most consequential one...I have stumbled across someone...about whom I will refrain from speaking for he has access to these pious correspondences. However for the purpose of keeping you updated, lets call him The Lord of Anorexia.
So...getting back to the matter at hand, which is in general everything, but specifically for today, the twisted workings of the human mind...or lets call it in this case, the ASSHOLE'S mind.
Is it Christmas?....And did Santa baby completely forget me this time??...I thought not...
okay...so am I Scrooge....or anything like him??....I agree....Im not, my immortal love...
Then why, has this ghost risen form the depths of hell disrupt my averagely rebuilt life, with its mediocre bricks and insufficient walls, and its broken windows with rusty metal latches, and its assymetric checkerboard flooring, reclaiming lost Christmases...and inviting me for dinner??
Was is not enough that this Ghost once drove me to near madness...??...and at one point even force me to fall for an Undesirable...
And was it not enough that he showed a general lack of compassion, especially wen it came to entertaining a certain "Queen"...which became my excuse for a snap that had long been due..
And then he sniffed me out..after months of freedom...wherein I became "Mr. Freedom"(with several shirt buttons missing....) and called me to INVITE ME FOR DINNER?
ARE U KIDDING??
not quite....
sadly...
And to make matters worse...The Ghost is carrying his chains to emphasise my loss...my only mortal loss Howard, and I refuse to face this Ghost...not until the cosmos conspire agianst me....
Wen he does reach this kingdom far-far-away, I shall feign death, and I shall disappear, in my own pits of death, rather than face him and become another lesser immortal with my losses and my hurt flung in my face, similar to a well-aimed cumshot, only this one is actually venomous to my existence.
Goodnight Love
Yours in Silence of the Lions
Choleric
Friday, June 26, 2009
"Heartless"...by Kris Allen
Wat?...The...?FUCK..?
Was there ever an acoustic rendition better than the one Kris Allen delivered with "Heartless"??....i would have to presume no...and even if there was....bring it on...coz nothing anyone every does..will quite match up....to this silly little cute married college boy on American Idol.
So...Heartless reminds me of something a little more close to home...I don't think theres anyone in this world that doesnt come close to being heartless..
I agree love...I am not the Greek God of every man's dreams...I'm not even close to being really good looking...I'm an average lookin immortal...Yes...."the clumsiest vampire ever"....
But theres so much more to me...I am an extremely passionate person...and this is starting to sound like a matrimonial......But its true...I AM an very funny....very very cool...fairly talented person...
Why is it that the only people AYYYEEE am ever remotely interested in are well...either greek gods themselves...or straight....or really fugly yet interesting people...who AAAYE am ready to give it a shot with...so tell me...How..is it....that the fuglies, the gods, and the confused straight guys...always end up running away from...
Am i that undesirable??
N here I actually thought I was quite a catch....
Why doesn't anyone ever like me?....Correction...why doesnt anyone I like(sane/hot/creative/funny/wacky etc etc) ever like me??
These and many more shallow self doubts...after these messages...
Goodnight Love
Urs seriously Confused
Choleric
Was there ever an acoustic rendition better than the one Kris Allen delivered with "Heartless"??....i would have to presume no...and even if there was....bring it on...coz nothing anyone every does..will quite match up....to this silly little cute married college boy on American Idol.
So...Heartless reminds me of something a little more close to home...I don't think theres anyone in this world that doesnt come close to being heartless..
I agree love...I am not the Greek God of every man's dreams...I'm not even close to being really good looking...I'm an average lookin immortal...Yes...."the clumsiest vampire ever"....
But theres so much more to me...I am an extremely passionate person...and this is starting to sound like a matrimonial......But its true...I AM an very funny....very very cool...fairly talented person...
Why is it that the only people AYYYEEE am ever remotely interested in are well...either greek gods themselves...or straight....or really fugly yet interesting people...who AAAYE am ready to give it a shot with...so tell me...How..is it....that the fuglies, the gods, and the confused straight guys...always end up running away from...
Am i that undesirable??
N here I actually thought I was quite a catch....
Why doesn't anyone ever like me?....Correction...why doesnt anyone I like(sane/hot/creative/funny/wacky etc etc) ever like me??
These and many more shallow self doubts...after these messages...
Goodnight Love
Urs seriously Confused
Choleric
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
La Sacrificial Lamb....
Beloved Howard,
It is after long that I am writing to you...but I hope you know that you have plagued my thoughts perpetually since the day I laid eyes upon you. Yet it hardly seems your fault.
Everytime I am in self doubt or am consumed by virutes of any moral descent, I think of you, and the hatred I hold for the love I hold for you in my heart, and it all seems like absolution from my ambiguity.
This is not a runofthemill letter I write to you every now n then...with perhaps as much focus as that of a goldfish...Nooo....nonono.....
This is an actual letter where I am asking for your help...asking to be absolved of ambiguity, only this time the decision affects me and my profession...and not you or my hatred for my love of you.
Before I begin, understand this Howard, there are things I know about myself, and then there are things I understand about commonplace humans, such as yourself.....
Things I understand about myself, will be hard for you to keep up with....but try...
I'll write real slow...so you can understand it..
I-am-an-extremely-complex-person. There-are-things-I-couldn't-even-try-to-explain. I-am-trying-though. You-understand-that-I-am-a-fairly-talented-fairly-average-looking-farily-impressive-guy. And-hence-I-have-led-me-to-believe-that-I-might-actually-make-a-success-tomorrow. Now-here's-the-twist. Since-as-far-as-I-can-remember-,-I-have-depended-or-let's-just-say-relied-on-other-people-to-manage-me-while-I-drive-off-into-my-fantasyland-to-conjure-work-that-seems-fairly-fresh-and-farily-good.
Yet-I-feel-that-sometimes-I-may-be taken-for-a-ride-and-sometimes-my-means-become-greater-and-far-more-important-and-influential-than-the-ends-I-foresee. Cool???
So there you have it....my kryptonite....my water....my longlostcause...
There are many more questions I have for you..some easier...some a little more complicated......only....you wouldn't know what to say...
Goodnight Love
Yours Unflichingly
Choleric
It is after long that I am writing to you...but I hope you know that you have plagued my thoughts perpetually since the day I laid eyes upon you. Yet it hardly seems your fault.
Everytime I am in self doubt or am consumed by virutes of any moral descent, I think of you, and the hatred I hold for the love I hold for you in my heart, and it all seems like absolution from my ambiguity.
This is not a runofthemill letter I write to you every now n then...with perhaps as much focus as that of a goldfish...Nooo....nonono.....
This is an actual letter where I am asking for your help...asking to be absolved of ambiguity, only this time the decision affects me and my profession...and not you or my hatred for my love of you.
Before I begin, understand this Howard, there are things I know about myself, and then there are things I understand about commonplace humans, such as yourself.....
Things I understand about myself, will be hard for you to keep up with....but try...
I'll write real slow...so you can understand it..
I-am-an-extremely-complex-person. There-are-things-I-couldn't-even-try-to-explain. I-am-trying-though. You-understand-that-I-am-a-fairly-talented-fairly-average-looking-farily-impressive-guy. And-hence-I-have-led-me-to-believe-that-I-might-actually-make-a-success-tomorrow. Now-here's-the-twist. Since-as-far-as-I-can-remember-,-I-have-depended-or-let's-just-say-relied-on-other-people-to-manage-me-while-I-drive-off-into-my-fantasyland-to-conjure-work-that-seems-fairly-fresh-and-farily-good.
Yet-I-feel-that-sometimes-I-may-be taken-for-a-ride-and-sometimes-my-means-become-greater-and-far-more-important-and-influential-than-the-ends-I-foresee. Cool???
So there you have it....my kryptonite....my water....my longlostcause...
There are many more questions I have for you..some easier...some a little more complicated......only....you wouldn't know what to say...
Goodnight Love
Yours Unflichingly
Choleric
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The Lost Cause...
Beloved Howard,
" 'It has always been a dream of mine to be on the show'...said the befuddled beggar who had been invited to share his story on Oprah...not realizing he had just lost the dream"
The beggar was ofcourse in his right mind to have said it....one does not necessarily always know what one is saying when faced with the most impossible emotion to handle...invincibility....
The loss of dream is ofcourse true in every respect but does the docile ever sit to consider the loss??....does he mourn the death of his mistress for forever?....does he go to bed feeling empty?...these and many more after these messages...
"The Princess has taken flight...and is off to join Prince Charming...with his large penis and his new car...
The Freudians of the world are sizzling the wooden elevations...
The Shakes-His-Belly-Like-A-Bowlful-Of-Jelly guy is ofcourse on seventh heaven...
The Wicked Stepsister has fallen from her pedestal...only momentarily Im very certain...
And several other mistresses have now been turned a blind eye toward...
Getting back....the loss of limbs is a very certain inevitability, only the docile yet again never sit to consider it, until ofcourse the lights have all dimmed, the spilled champagne has been cleaned, the applause has ceased and the people have forgotten your name again....not until that very moment do we realize that its all very good n all....but it is the definite end of purpose and a reason for existence...
The only beffudling consequence of this realisation is more beffudlement and ofcourse a very uneasy settlement with the prospect of A LONG LONG wait...until purpose knocks at the bloody doorstep again...and we have to force ourselves grudgingly and ironicall out of our mighty slumber and our deep self imposed exile to go out and face the world and the light and yeas the prospect is very endearing in the "long run", the immediate consquences are worse that thant he lack of purpose.
Goodnight Love
Urs Unsettlingly,
Choleric
" 'It has always been a dream of mine to be on the show'...said the befuddled beggar who had been invited to share his story on Oprah...not realizing he had just lost the dream"
The beggar was ofcourse in his right mind to have said it....one does not necessarily always know what one is saying when faced with the most impossible emotion to handle...invincibility....
The loss of dream is ofcourse true in every respect but does the docile ever sit to consider the loss??....does he mourn the death of his mistress for forever?....does he go to bed feeling empty?...these and many more after these messages...
"The Princess has taken flight...and is off to join Prince Charming...with his large penis and his new car...
The Freudians of the world are sizzling the wooden elevations...
The Shakes-His-Belly-Like-A-Bowlful-Of-Jelly guy is ofcourse on seventh heaven...
The Wicked Stepsister has fallen from her pedestal...only momentarily Im very certain...
And several other mistresses have now been turned a blind eye toward...
Getting back....the loss of limbs is a very certain inevitability, only the docile yet again never sit to consider it, until ofcourse the lights have all dimmed, the spilled champagne has been cleaned, the applause has ceased and the people have forgotten your name again....not until that very moment do we realize that its all very good n all....but it is the definite end of purpose and a reason for existence...
The only beffudling consequence of this realisation is more beffudlement and ofcourse a very uneasy settlement with the prospect of A LONG LONG wait...until purpose knocks at the bloody doorstep again...and we have to force ourselves grudgingly and ironicall out of our mighty slumber and our deep self imposed exile to go out and face the world and the light and yeas the prospect is very endearing in the "long run", the immediate consquences are worse that thant he lack of purpose.
Goodnight Love
Urs Unsettlingly,
Choleric
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Threesomes never Cease..
Dearest Howard,
If only the winds of change could see me...and only the masters of sea-sickness conjuring a cure as we speak....and the maternity sister in charge of the naturally unfit...they would all be so proud...
I have moved on....the world has presented me another eyesore....another undesirable and another man on the mission....
The universe has again conspired to make me a completely unadulterated virgin...n then take me by the thighs and violate me and preserve me and then pickle me up with his earlier conquests..
"Dying is easy, painless...and quick....
Its life thats diffcult"....
And Bella woke form her slumber of three days..."sounds like me.." she breathes.....and see myself falling in love again...after my own slumber of three years...
AHHHHH...LOVE.....what it must feel to those that love.....and those that are loved...
However dramatic / "dreamatic" it may sound.....im willing to risk the humiliation....
Maybe its the sense of liberation in another town.....thebelchin men seem less provocative...and the cursive women seem less friendly...and hence the alienation feels more complete....
The worst however is yet to come....as I walk my empty street...towards a destination unknown and a satire yet uncast...
The vile perversity and the pure venom is fleeting but very much existent...
I wait with breath that is bated....
Yours
Choleric
If only the winds of change could see me...and only the masters of sea-sickness conjuring a cure as we speak....and the maternity sister in charge of the naturally unfit...they would all be so proud...
I have moved on....the world has presented me another eyesore....another undesirable and another man on the mission....
The universe has again conspired to make me a completely unadulterated virgin...n then take me by the thighs and violate me and preserve me and then pickle me up with his earlier conquests..
"Dying is easy, painless...and quick....
Its life thats diffcult"....
And Bella woke form her slumber of three days..."sounds like me.." she breathes.....and see myself falling in love again...after my own slumber of three years...
AHHHHH...LOVE.....what it must feel to those that love.....and those that are loved...
However dramatic / "dreamatic" it may sound.....im willing to risk the humiliation....
Maybe its the sense of liberation in another town.....thebelchin men seem less provocative...and the cursive women seem less friendly...and hence the alienation feels more complete....
The worst however is yet to come....as I walk my empty street...towards a destination unknown and a satire yet uncast...
The vile perversity and the pure venom is fleeting but very much existent...
I wait with breath that is bated....
Yours
Choleric
Saturday, March 21, 2009
A yonderful experience..
Beloved Howard,
The reverse scenario is extremely bad....even worse than the economy....Jay Leno(purrupummmthiishhh)....
Yes the scenario is so bad, that underage and underexperienced drivers are getting to reverse in various directions despite instructions being yelled at them to the contrary..
Why, I ask thee love...is it so difficult to get a genuine listener??
The world has shrunk, it is full of alllergies particulary towards a fathomable experience of a great talent, and ofcourse mosquitoes...
Trouble, as they say is the color of energy, and amber they say is the color of soulful purpose..
OH W.H.A.T.E.V.A......
Cut the crap...and let's dicuss recent events...
So Mr. Presidentoftheentireworld appeared ont he Jay Leno show....he's cute...and quite descriptively a stud.....
Does he hold promise.....?....Thou shalt wait....
Invincibility they say is not acquired....it is inherent...so what does that make me??..inherently invincible??...or trying to acquire it?....but previous discussion since have proved to be contrary to the latter.....so that settles it....I am inherently invincible.....paper planes ar ethe only things that impregnate my walls in these years of our lord....
There's more..
Mr. Undesirable is now insignificant...and despite various calls and fragile attempts..he is still in my blacklist..
The masks are being prepared....as we speak...they are the most inexpensive accessories as compared to the rest of my haute couture life..
Masked subtleties, infinite prisms of inertia, the inccorgible diffidence, the immune nervous breakdowns, and no noodles....a fiend once told me, that today is a gift and hence called the present, and teh rest is all crap...
Im really feelin it now..
Goodnight Love
Urs in solitary confinement
Choleric
The reverse scenario is extremely bad....even worse than the economy....Jay Leno(purrupummmthiishhh)....
Yes the scenario is so bad, that underage and underexperienced drivers are getting to reverse in various directions despite instructions being yelled at them to the contrary..
Why, I ask thee love...is it so difficult to get a genuine listener??
The world has shrunk, it is full of alllergies particulary towards a fathomable experience of a great talent, and ofcourse mosquitoes...
Trouble, as they say is the color of energy, and amber they say is the color of soulful purpose..
OH W.H.A.T.E.V.A......
Cut the crap...and let's dicuss recent events...
So Mr. Presidentoftheentireworld appeared ont he Jay Leno show....he's cute...and quite descriptively a stud.....
Does he hold promise.....?....Thou shalt wait....
Invincibility they say is not acquired....it is inherent...so what does that make me??..inherently invincible??...or trying to acquire it?....but previous discussion since have proved to be contrary to the latter.....so that settles it....I am inherently invincible.....paper planes ar ethe only things that impregnate my walls in these years of our lord....
There's more..
Mr. Undesirable is now insignificant...and despite various calls and fragile attempts..he is still in my blacklist..
The masks are being prepared....as we speak...they are the most inexpensive accessories as compared to the rest of my haute couture life..
Masked subtleties, infinite prisms of inertia, the inccorgible diffidence, the immune nervous breakdowns, and no noodles....a fiend once told me, that today is a gift and hence called the present, and teh rest is all crap...
Im really feelin it now..
Goodnight Love
Urs in solitary confinement
Choleric
Sunday, March 15, 2009
A whiff of Morning Breath...
Beloved Howard,
As the sun circles around the earth several more times....I am resuming my life...my ailing, dilemmatised, foreseen, simple, mundane, immortal, and yes extraordinary life..
There are very few days when I feel there are none left who can see the absolute existence of anything uncessary and its mere unsaid fruitilicious purpose of necessity...
There are similary very few days AAAYYYEEE actually consider reiterating the unsaid, the lingering, the shadow of the past, and for good reason ofcourse.....
There is much to be done love and there is much to be said....but perhaps a more suitable day needs to be conjured for such weaknesses....
Definitely not the day of today..
Yours Ineffciently
Choleric
PS: Today happens to be one of those days...
As the sun circles around the earth several more times....I am resuming my life...my ailing, dilemmatised, foreseen, simple, mundane, immortal, and yes extraordinary life..
There are very few days when I feel there are none left who can see the absolute existence of anything uncessary and its mere unsaid fruitilicious purpose of necessity...
There are similary very few days AAAYYYEEE actually consider reiterating the unsaid, the lingering, the shadow of the past, and for good reason ofcourse.....
There is much to be done love and there is much to be said....but perhaps a more suitable day needs to be conjured for such weaknesses....
Definitely not the day of today..
Yours Ineffciently
Choleric
PS: Today happens to be one of those days...
Friday, March 13, 2009
A Life Exceptionally Ordinary...
Beloved Howard,
I am truly a man of very few words today love....
Infact...I am only a man of one question....
Why??......or perhaps for the mortal world I stand as a part of today may comprehend..
Why not??......
Yours with no will to live longer than the already spent years...
Choleric
I am truly a man of very few words today love....
Infact...I am only a man of one question....
Why??......or perhaps for the mortal world I stand as a part of today may comprehend..
Why not??......
Yours with no will to live longer than the already spent years...
Choleric
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Wearable and Unwearable Forms of Art
Beloved Howard,
This letter could be coming to you from the afterlife.....beyond the grave perhaps...or from a cyber junkyard place where all those rejects of mails bounce back and get stored until further notice....
The most innovative of these perhaps is the incorrigible requests on facebook...where everyone logs on...including me....just to get a little more attention....."What animal's testicle are you?.....Which chemical drug abuse aftereffect are you?"...and so on...my answers are always the most cliched ones....and i always seem to be the only one with them...Ka-Ching....everybody's tryin to be different......
So guess what...I'm goin to win.....win a validation so big that this time.....even the cross-dressers will wanna look in this direction.....
So far so good...the direction of many of these events in life is highly unpredictable...but I know I'm just gonna be realllllyyyyyyyy big...and any deliberation thereon is extremely undeniable and hence unproductive....
It has forever been my pleasure and sinful indulgence to consider any financial troubles in the world as my own...irrespective if their direct impact on my or (anyone I know)'s life..
So perhaps my last letter left you reeling...and gasping for breath.....but not to worry love....the cosmic connection has been snapped....the mindless inhibition I felt was extremely uncertain....and just so you're not at any unrest in ur conscious afterlife you may rest in peace upon the fact that my tresses have been shed and so has my fledgling attraction for the Undesirable.....infact......there will be no more discussion or any such conversation about the Undesirable hereon...not even the merest mention.....of his name....shal desecrate the piety of these letters again....
Goodnight Love
Yours in inexplicable Joy and at Undiluted rest....
Choleric
This letter could be coming to you from the afterlife.....beyond the grave perhaps...or from a cyber junkyard place where all those rejects of mails bounce back and get stored until further notice....
The most innovative of these perhaps is the incorrigible requests on facebook...where everyone logs on...including me....just to get a little more attention....."What animal's testicle are you?.....Which chemical drug abuse aftereffect are you?"...and so on...my answers are always the most cliched ones....and i always seem to be the only one with them...Ka-Ching....everybody's tryin to be different......
So guess what...I'm goin to win.....win a validation so big that this time.....even the cross-dressers will wanna look in this direction.....
So far so good...the direction of many of these events in life is highly unpredictable...but I know I'm just gonna be realllllyyyyyyyy big...and any deliberation thereon is extremely undeniable and hence unproductive....
It has forever been my pleasure and sinful indulgence to consider any financial troubles in the world as my own...irrespective if their direct impact on my or (anyone I know)'s life..
So perhaps my last letter left you reeling...and gasping for breath.....but not to worry love....the cosmic connection has been snapped....the mindless inhibition I felt was extremely uncertain....and just so you're not at any unrest in ur conscious afterlife you may rest in peace upon the fact that my tresses have been shed and so has my fledgling attraction for the Undesirable.....infact......there will be no more discussion or any such conversation about the Undesirable hereon...not even the merest mention.....of his name....shal desecrate the piety of these letters again....
Goodnight Love
Yours in inexplicable Joy and at Undiluted rest....
Choleric
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Dilemmatised Chronicles of an Ailing Syndrome...
Beloved Howard,
Today I saw your face, splashed across the pages of a book long lost.....Yet it was nearly a thrill to see you again....despite our previous differences...you spoke to me...and i replied and it was all good....
Maybe the words that poured out of my mouth upon ur immediate arrival were not carefully pronounced, and though it seemed to me as though I was mistaken....but I thought I headr myself confess my love to you yet again....Untrue ofcourse...and ignore it if you heard the same ludicruous silence....
The Undesirable is haunting...and BORING.....a kiss on the cheek may have been an aphrodisiac for a moment...but the world stopped spinning after a while....a brush on the thigh may have been unintentional and addictive.....but the heart started skipping beats again.....the breathing resumed its erratic flow yet again....
He is soooo bloody boring....and his nasal conquest of a voice is sometimes extremelyendearing but mostly just another voice on the wall...nothing more nothing less......
Perhaps the Freudians of the world are looking down in contempt....but a mundane understanding of this behaviour on my part is extremely necessary.....coz the immortal explantions are just not sufficient....so assuming in this situation that I am X....and X as usual is the unknown....Lets determine the value of this X (Mr. Reckoning).....and try to evaluate this equation...coz its DRIVIN ME CRAZZZYYY..........
Lets asssume for a second that by some freak of nature I am actually attracted to this creature.....are his actions in the ancient history excusable....despite the comprehensible nature of the said actions....????
I dunno...said the Turtle with a bemused expression across his forehead.....no not a frown, not a scorn, not a bangled confusion....just a plain simple old "I dunno"....converted to flesh lines...
So I guess the Turtle was inefficient...and completely nonperceptive...
Tell me Howard.....what should I do??.....Tell me my love.....is it Ok for me to fall in love again...
Urs in Bemused Confusion
Choleric
Today I saw your face, splashed across the pages of a book long lost.....Yet it was nearly a thrill to see you again....despite our previous differences...you spoke to me...and i replied and it was all good....
Maybe the words that poured out of my mouth upon ur immediate arrival were not carefully pronounced, and though it seemed to me as though I was mistaken....but I thought I headr myself confess my love to you yet again....Untrue ofcourse...and ignore it if you heard the same ludicruous silence....
The Undesirable is haunting...and BORING.....a kiss on the cheek may have been an aphrodisiac for a moment...but the world stopped spinning after a while....a brush on the thigh may have been unintentional and addictive.....but the heart started skipping beats again.....the breathing resumed its erratic flow yet again....
He is soooo bloody boring....and his nasal conquest of a voice is sometimes extremelyendearing but mostly just another voice on the wall...nothing more nothing less......
Perhaps the Freudians of the world are looking down in contempt....but a mundane understanding of this behaviour on my part is extremely necessary.....coz the immortal explantions are just not sufficient....so assuming in this situation that I am X....and X as usual is the unknown....Lets determine the value of this X (Mr. Reckoning).....and try to evaluate this equation...coz its DRIVIN ME CRAZZZYYY..........
Lets asssume for a second that by some freak of nature I am actually attracted to this creature.....are his actions in the ancient history excusable....despite the comprehensible nature of the said actions....????
I dunno...said the Turtle with a bemused expression across his forehead.....no not a frown, not a scorn, not a bangled confusion....just a plain simple old "I dunno"....converted to flesh lines...
So I guess the Turtle was inefficient...and completely nonperceptive...
Tell me Howard.....what should I do??.....Tell me my love.....is it Ok for me to fall in love again...
Urs in Bemused Confusion
Choleric
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The Case of Mistaken Calls...
Beloved Howard,
O, how i have missed writing to you my love.....the sound of these keys piterringpattering all along the walls of my room.....
There have been various reasons for my temporary "demise"....one being work....you should know Howard.....how i hate losing....and also how obsessed I am with this world becoming a more beautiful(read glamourous, expensive and bitchy)......hence I slog...hours become days, days become months and months become years....but i continue....for I hope that one day....my contribution to this world will be acknowledged.......u know wat they say rite....theres no such thing as too much fame....winks and snorts out the ginandcoke in hand....
Yes there is much to tell....and there is much to bitch about....
For starters...the Desirable has become a very conspicuous obsession now....people have started to question me as to why im always so zoned out and lost....well the Desirable is one of the causes...
Yes distance does make the heart grow fonder...also the body hornier and since now he is out of my reach.....quite predictably my obsession is beyond my selfimposed control as well......
(A few days go by).......
But quite understandably my obsession is fading....infact his very immediate action in recent ancient history has dropped him from favor...he is back to being the UNdesirable.....the silly fag is now definitely the UNDESIRABLE No.1..
But guess who called me again....after a long sabbatical....His company was being missed...achingly....but I guess it takes less than a heartbreak to rekindle lost love....so no love lost i guess???
What else is up??.....My quest to beautify the world is slower than ever....but the fishing is complete and the meal is cooked....yet there is something lackluster...and its keeps me awake...the one really crazy element that i think is missing....that i really truly mostrously wish to discover and see....and execute in the most miniscule part of my extraordinary life....yet the life seems ordinary to my naked eye......
And the question I ask again....Who doesnt wish to be in love....but am I really getting that desperate....is LOVE.......the only serum for my venom....???
Missing you and any companinship terribly...
Yours in Excruciating mental agony...
Choleric
O, how i have missed writing to you my love.....the sound of these keys piterringpattering all along the walls of my room.....
There have been various reasons for my temporary "demise"....one being work....you should know Howard.....how i hate losing....and also how obsessed I am with this world becoming a more beautiful(read glamourous, expensive and bitchy)......hence I slog...hours become days, days become months and months become years....but i continue....for I hope that one day....my contribution to this world will be acknowledged.......u know wat they say rite....theres no such thing as too much fame....winks and snorts out the ginandcoke in hand....
Yes there is much to tell....and there is much to bitch about....
For starters...the Desirable has become a very conspicuous obsession now....people have started to question me as to why im always so zoned out and lost....well the Desirable is one of the causes...
Yes distance does make the heart grow fonder...also the body hornier and since now he is out of my reach.....quite predictably my obsession is beyond my selfimposed control as well......
(A few days go by).......
But quite understandably my obsession is fading....infact his very immediate action in recent ancient history has dropped him from favor...he is back to being the UNdesirable.....the silly fag is now definitely the UNDESIRABLE No.1..
But guess who called me again....after a long sabbatical....His company was being missed...achingly....but I guess it takes less than a heartbreak to rekindle lost love....so no love lost i guess???
What else is up??.....My quest to beautify the world is slower than ever....but the fishing is complete and the meal is cooked....yet there is something lackluster...and its keeps me awake...the one really crazy element that i think is missing....that i really truly mostrously wish to discover and see....and execute in the most miniscule part of my extraordinary life....yet the life seems ordinary to my naked eye......
And the question I ask again....Who doesnt wish to be in love....but am I really getting that desperate....is LOVE.......the only serum for my venom....???
Missing you and any companinship terribly...
Yours in Excruciating mental agony...
Choleric
Saturday, February 14, 2009
An Apology...
Beloved Howard,
Hat in hand, off my high horse, tail between my legs and my head bowed down...I come to thee love....to seek forgiveness....for the accusations I have cast upon my father in the garb of reasoned anlysis.....the accusations I cast without emotion or feeling....without the slightest intent that he is the only man I would actually truly love until enternity....the only man who could eer have been fit to be my father....and Why??....you may ask....did I accuse him??....Just the usual I believe....to hide behind another skirt and not face or as we discussed earlier....confront my own ghosts....
The reason...that I gather Howard for my inanity as ususal...is my sense of immortality whenever Im around you....even in word...as I am now....and my inexplicable sense of mortality.....when Im faced another day as a faggot in this very very nasty world.....to which I have nothing but actually added more nastiness....
The world as we know it...might as well have been the creation of another such character known as the GossipGirl.....much ado about like me.....
"All the Worlds a stage..".......enough of my life's obsession......Im a boy...a real boy....or at least i want to be.....(looks deeply in the eye of his "real" mother).....and the mother sez....fetch the blue fairy....she will make you a real boy....
The faggot however has no sense of "the world" and departs ona a"heavenly abode".....much like mine at age of fifteen....and discovers boys....something he was told to never look at in the manner he was looking at them.....life's a bitch...he soon realizes.....he even tries drugs a coupla times....nah....not workin for me mannnnnnn.........the boy moves on...discovers hes actually good at something.....becomes the next best thing in his line of chosen profession...and still keeps looking for love....he comes across love many times......in the form of girls....or friends.....the boy gets old and wise...but not loved a day more.....just admired, respected, slept with....not loved....
His desperation gets the better of him......and he starts questioning his very existence...and the purpose of one such loveless existence....an existece where the world doesnot move according to his clock and his axis....
He questions his decisions, his choices, his lust, his power, his talent and......his very existence....and hence in the outrage spits venom against the only people who have accepted and actually loved him for whatever mistakes he has made...
You understand right Howard??.....You forgive me right Howard???....is this act ego-maniacal enough for you to forgive me??.....
Goodnight Love
Urs in Biding.....
Choleric
Hat in hand, off my high horse, tail between my legs and my head bowed down...I come to thee love....to seek forgiveness....for the accusations I have cast upon my father in the garb of reasoned anlysis.....the accusations I cast without emotion or feeling....without the slightest intent that he is the only man I would actually truly love until enternity....the only man who could eer have been fit to be my father....and Why??....you may ask....did I accuse him??....Just the usual I believe....to hide behind another skirt and not face or as we discussed earlier....confront my own ghosts....
The reason...that I gather Howard for my inanity as ususal...is my sense of immortality whenever Im around you....even in word...as I am now....and my inexplicable sense of mortality.....when Im faced another day as a faggot in this very very nasty world.....to which I have nothing but actually added more nastiness....
The world as we know it...might as well have been the creation of another such character known as the GossipGirl.....much ado about like me.....
"All the Worlds a stage..".......enough of my life's obsession......Im a boy...a real boy....or at least i want to be.....(looks deeply in the eye of his "real" mother).....and the mother sez....fetch the blue fairy....she will make you a real boy....
The faggot however has no sense of "the world" and departs ona a"heavenly abode".....much like mine at age of fifteen....and discovers boys....something he was told to never look at in the manner he was looking at them.....life's a bitch...he soon realizes.....he even tries drugs a coupla times....nah....not workin for me mannnnnnn.........the boy moves on...discovers hes actually good at something.....becomes the next best thing in his line of chosen profession...and still keeps looking for love....he comes across love many times......in the form of girls....or friends.....the boy gets old and wise...but not loved a day more.....just admired, respected, slept with....not loved....
His desperation gets the better of him......and he starts questioning his very existence...and the purpose of one such loveless existence....an existece where the world doesnot move according to his clock and his axis....
He questions his decisions, his choices, his lust, his power, his talent and......his very existence....and hence in the outrage spits venom against the only people who have accepted and actually loved him for whatever mistakes he has made...
You understand right Howard??.....You forgive me right Howard???....is this act ego-maniacal enough for you to forgive me??.....
Goodnight Love
Urs in Biding.....
Choleric
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Of Roxie and her Flawed Performance..
Beloved Howard,
"All fags can dance...its in our genetic makeup".....is perhaps the line all fags use on straight people...also...some lesser mortal put up a questin to me int he near chronological frame..."Why are all fags soo good looking?"......I dunno...is my answer to this the same as the reason for the former statement??....the answer I have forever held as true to my being a fag?.....Acceptance??.......the fact that straight men have to move no mountains in this world to succeed...women have to make twice of their efforts and fags three times as much...and they'll still never be really accepted...
The answer...the truth...the inevitable confrontation lay in front of my eyes as I walked a corridor full of poeple......a blur of mimatched stockings, colors, makeup, accessories, hairstles, knit and woven yet one thing in common.....a stare....a vacant inexistent stare directed by the cumulative pea-brain....
And there I was...a reflection staring back at me through the very gorrrgghgoeus curls I had so recently washed and blowdried.....n there he was....the answer staring back at me.....its coz I loathe conformity....its all perhaps ur doing Howard....but today I stand at a dead end where I must answer a certain few questions about my life if I am to move on....
Why did it happen to me?....Was it coz i used to think too much?...Was it coz I had no male friends??....Was it coz I was always overprotected by my father...who sadly due to his own insecurities has always tried to be the best he could....not realizing that he got exactly what he didnt want...a failure??.........Was it coz being a fag is all abotu fashion??.....
Exactly the point.....I am a fag.....gay....queer...homosexual.....fruitcake....without a doubt...a good one at that.....not because of any other reasons...but I just could't stand staring at girls the way everyone did...I couldn't stand passing through places and not getting noticed......I couldn't stand not making a statement....I couldnt stand not being in the limelight.....n now look Howard.....its all I have......
A case of mistaken identity, a case of forgotten interest......coz eventually we learn wat we force ourselves to learn.....only to unlearn something anyone else can.....
Yes love.....the wait is indeed about to be over....we shall meet soon.....
urs in confusion
Choleric
"All fags can dance...its in our genetic makeup".....is perhaps the line all fags use on straight people...also...some lesser mortal put up a questin to me int he near chronological frame..."Why are all fags soo good looking?"......I dunno...is my answer to this the same as the reason for the former statement??....the answer I have forever held as true to my being a fag?.....Acceptance??.......the fact that straight men have to move no mountains in this world to succeed...women have to make twice of their efforts and fags three times as much...and they'll still never be really accepted...
The answer...the truth...the inevitable confrontation lay in front of my eyes as I walked a corridor full of poeple......a blur of mimatched stockings, colors, makeup, accessories, hairstles, knit and woven yet one thing in common.....a stare....a vacant inexistent stare directed by the cumulative pea-brain....
And there I was...a reflection staring back at me through the very gorrrgghgoeus curls I had so recently washed and blowdried.....n there he was....the answer staring back at me.....its coz I loathe conformity....its all perhaps ur doing Howard....but today I stand at a dead end where I must answer a certain few questions about my life if I am to move on....
Why did it happen to me?....Was it coz i used to think too much?...Was it coz I had no male friends??....Was it coz I was always overprotected by my father...who sadly due to his own insecurities has always tried to be the best he could....not realizing that he got exactly what he didnt want...a failure??.........Was it coz being a fag is all abotu fashion??.....
Exactly the point.....I am a fag.....gay....queer...homosexual.....fruitcake....without a doubt...a good one at that.....not because of any other reasons...but I just could't stand staring at girls the way everyone did...I couldn't stand passing through places and not getting noticed......I couldn't stand not making a statement....I couldnt stand not being in the limelight.....n now look Howard.....its all I have......
A case of mistaken identity, a case of forgotten interest......coz eventually we learn wat we force ourselves to learn.....only to unlearn something anyone else can.....
Yes love.....the wait is indeed about to be over....we shall meet soon.....
urs in confusion
Choleric
Monday, February 9, 2009
Of Argyles and Checkerboards...
Beloved Howard,
I am a dream waiting to turn into reality....twilight waiting to hit dawn...wings waiting to touch thermals.....Arnold Schwarzenegger waiting to be terminated....ahhhhhhhhh the wait is excruciating Howard...the wait being of more than the many worlds I have come to accept as my turf....
The wait for something to happen....something eventful...something meaningful...something that doesn't hit the walls....something that brings change....something to change all that I know...all that I see.....All that has been engraved in the history of time as something garrulous and something incorrigible...ALLLL that has never been spoken of...but written much about....
All that even you Howard never got see around me....even though its irrelevant now...
Something...someone...somehow...somewhere to happen....and without which the world would be an incessant cesspool of commonplace existence...
ARRRRGGGGHHHH...Howard....the wait is excruciating....just like the venom that Edward so beautifull describes while being beautiful Himself....never figured out how that was possible....
but he promised that the venom would bring immortal change...and an indefinite pitstop to immortality...which would ofcourse be chnage itself....
Yes she was right, the Princess....transperancy is a poison that kills me slow and fast at the same time....slow for I wish it to be over...and fast for it is....
The desirable has been updated to many a mortal levels now...yet the urge to see you again has me creeping back into my closet and dark capes of bad hope...
Yes the wait is excruciating Howard...but the time has come.....we must come facetoface soon....
Goodnight Howard
urs in the waiting room
Choleric
I am a dream waiting to turn into reality....twilight waiting to hit dawn...wings waiting to touch thermals.....Arnold Schwarzenegger waiting to be terminated....ahhhhhhhhh the wait is excruciating Howard...the wait being of more than the many worlds I have come to accept as my turf....
The wait for something to happen....something eventful...something meaningful...something that doesn't hit the walls....something that brings change....something to change all that I know...all that I see.....All that has been engraved in the history of time as something garrulous and something incorrigible...ALLLL that has never been spoken of...but written much about....
All that even you Howard never got see around me....even though its irrelevant now...
Something...someone...somehow...somewhere to happen....and without which the world would be an incessant cesspool of commonplace existence...
ARRRRGGGGHHHH...Howard....the wait is excruciating....just like the venom that Edward so beautifull describes while being beautiful Himself....never figured out how that was possible....
but he promised that the venom would bring immortal change...and an indefinite pitstop to immortality...which would ofcourse be chnage itself....
Yes she was right, the Princess....transperancy is a poison that kills me slow and fast at the same time....slow for I wish it to be over...and fast for it is....
The desirable has been updated to many a mortal levels now...yet the urge to see you again has me creeping back into my closet and dark capes of bad hope...
Yes the wait is excruciating Howard...but the time has come.....we must come facetoface soon....
Goodnight Howard
urs in the waiting room
Choleric
Friday, February 6, 2009
The Recruitment Content....
Beloved Howard,
The enstranged undesirable became extremely desirable today....merely the fact that he desires someone else has triggered within me a lust...more spiteful than any....and an obsession more malignant than any I've felt in a very long time.....
There aren't many of these undesirables Ive ever looked upon after my last experience....which you are very happily aware was with you....after our last altercation my love....I decided once and for all to not give any importance or understanding to any of your kind....But I cannot help but wonder if my downfall is again my own doing...
The undesirable was rying to be desirable on my terms.....and i steered clear for him...and made life a lot easy....."Im too old for these games" is what I went around the world saying over and over again....until they finally stopped taking me seriously....Yes Howard you're right...We are at a place where men meet themselves....int eh real pits of hell...theres no point being naive and NICE now...is there???????????????? Its too late perhaps....
There are however many maiiiiiny things I am still capable of....much to the Desirable's(hereon) surprise......
I am atillt he guy who came up with games that only I can play.....I am stillt he guy who makes other meeker men weep for him....and cry their hearts out until they have had enough of not just the silly games....but the entire world itself...
The Desirable asked for it.....and the Desirable shall get it....The world shall be mine again...infact starting tomorrow morning.....I shall be the man i was once not proud of being....but also way before that I was proud of the same man as hell....
Goodnight Howard
Urs Schemingly,
Choleric
The enstranged undesirable became extremely desirable today....merely the fact that he desires someone else has triggered within me a lust...more spiteful than any....and an obsession more malignant than any I've felt in a very long time.....
There aren't many of these undesirables Ive ever looked upon after my last experience....which you are very happily aware was with you....after our last altercation my love....I decided once and for all to not give any importance or understanding to any of your kind....But I cannot help but wonder if my downfall is again my own doing...
The undesirable was rying to be desirable on my terms.....and i steered clear for him...and made life a lot easy....."Im too old for these games" is what I went around the world saying over and over again....until they finally stopped taking me seriously....Yes Howard you're right...We are at a place where men meet themselves....int eh real pits of hell...theres no point being naive and NICE now...is there???????????????? Its too late perhaps....
There are however many maiiiiiny things I am still capable of....much to the Desirable's(hereon) surprise......
I am atillt he guy who came up with games that only I can play.....I am stillt he guy who makes other meeker men weep for him....and cry their hearts out until they have had enough of not just the silly games....but the entire world itself...
The Desirable asked for it.....and the Desirable shall get it....The world shall be mine again...infact starting tomorrow morning.....I shall be the man i was once not proud of being....but also way before that I was proud of the same man as hell....
Goodnight Howard
Urs Schemingly,
Choleric
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The Insist in Reckoning...
Beloved Howard,
Found unfound questions plagued me unto the infinite capacities of my reckless mind.....yes Howard, there are many many masters of each destiny, each with its own purpose and calling.....each assigned a specific time period in the life of the destined to gather forth all that they have done or undone and rectify it to their own convenience...
Mine too has been a destiny with various masters...or mistresses should we call them...
A long chronological order ago, and lightyears in miles away, lived my very own destiny free from such mistresses....free from the bindings of unholy matrimony and the incessant ramblings of unfortunate messengers....
And one day all the world stopped to stare....yes i hate this part right here.....no one ever noticed how fast the destiny got swallowed up by its many in line mistresses, how soon the world started spinning on its unnatural axis...my axis........and resumed the spinning on the community soul....the gaya axis...the antichrist of my existence......maybe past lives could have regenerated in me the need....but if any of it were to be believed I should have resumed where I left off right??.......
At the entrance to hell....the gates of diabolique the conquerer......the unsound clang of the cemetary window, and the unlatched toilets of heaven's kitchen.....
All have died and gone to New York....without the burdens of carrying any mistresses forth....without the barrels on the conscience of being unable to control anymore....the victory of loss.....and the uncouth demarcation of territory...as though pissing lines weren't enough my love....
As though thye have ever been able to hold me back...as though they have ever been able to control a bit of what they recall as their own destiny...their very own poodle to french....their very own nostalgic moment...through the glass window...through their very own master door...
The gates have descended and clanged open...and this time Im walking through.....
goodnight Howard
urs in destiny
Choleric
Found unfound questions plagued me unto the infinite capacities of my reckless mind.....yes Howard, there are many many masters of each destiny, each with its own purpose and calling.....each assigned a specific time period in the life of the destined to gather forth all that they have done or undone and rectify it to their own convenience...
Mine too has been a destiny with various masters...or mistresses should we call them...
A long chronological order ago, and lightyears in miles away, lived my very own destiny free from such mistresses....free from the bindings of unholy matrimony and the incessant ramblings of unfortunate messengers....
And one day all the world stopped to stare....yes i hate this part right here.....no one ever noticed how fast the destiny got swallowed up by its many in line mistresses, how soon the world started spinning on its unnatural axis...my axis........and resumed the spinning on the community soul....the gaya axis...the antichrist of my existence......maybe past lives could have regenerated in me the need....but if any of it were to be believed I should have resumed where I left off right??.......
At the entrance to hell....the gates of diabolique the conquerer......the unsound clang of the cemetary window, and the unlatched toilets of heaven's kitchen.....
All have died and gone to New York....without the burdens of carrying any mistresses forth....without the barrels on the conscience of being unable to control anymore....the victory of loss.....and the uncouth demarcation of territory...as though pissing lines weren't enough my love....
As though thye have ever been able to hold me back...as though they have ever been able to control a bit of what they recall as their own destiny...their very own poodle to french....their very own nostalgic moment...through the glass window...through their very own master door...
The gates have descended and clanged open...and this time Im walking through.....
goodnight Howard
urs in destiny
Choleric
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Creation of Melancholy and Whores..
Beloved Howard,
I recieved a gift today...not as grand as the previous pink gesture, but nearly as meaningful and YES....much more defining..."character building??"......let's say??.....
The wonder has seized and yeah I'm sorry if all the rules of desire have been breached...but the snapped string has never jolted in me sense of such great loss...truly....I have understood pain, lve, lust and all such fantasies tosay.....and also a GREAT sense of being NICE...yes....the princess sacrificed another rendezvouz with her beloved "astamaristaYOMANN".....and pronounced to me everything I need to change....if I ever wanna be the Next Worst Thing....which TRUST ME....i soooooooo wanna be....
okay..
moving on...
The undesirable has finally landed himself a deal......I continue desiring him...and He has no way of knowing...well its mot really much of a deal.....just more of an exciting decison Ive taken to toy with myself for sometime.....till of course the snapped strings are forged again....which would be perfect....since the oppurtunity would have passed...the Undesirable in my shadow would have become the Desirable No. 1....of course lets not completely discredit the boy of everything he's probably capable of......
But yeah the Freudians of the world will need entertainment....and for their sake(see I am absolutely unselfish and my motives are completely transperant)....I shall take the "UN"desirable under my wing...laughoutloudandclearshrillandsheer.....and train him.....laughoutloudandclearshrillandsheeragain........to entertain the Freudians....laughoutloudandclearshrillandsheerandagain.....
Well ofcourse my motives arent completely honest...but if its any consolation....neither is my heart....so no love lost there...
Goodnight Love
Urs a little edgy..
Choleric
I recieved a gift today...not as grand as the previous pink gesture, but nearly as meaningful and YES....much more defining..."character building??"......let's say??.....
The wonder has seized and yeah I'm sorry if all the rules of desire have been breached...but the snapped string has never jolted in me sense of such great loss...truly....I have understood pain, lve, lust and all such fantasies tosay.....and also a GREAT sense of being NICE...yes....the princess sacrificed another rendezvouz with her beloved "astamaristaYOMANN".....and pronounced to me everything I need to change....if I ever wanna be the Next Worst Thing....which TRUST ME....i soooooooo wanna be....
okay..
moving on...
The undesirable has finally landed himself a deal......I continue desiring him...and He has no way of knowing...well its mot really much of a deal.....just more of an exciting decison Ive taken to toy with myself for sometime.....till of course the snapped strings are forged again....which would be perfect....since the oppurtunity would have passed...the Undesirable in my shadow would have become the Desirable No. 1....of course lets not completely discredit the boy of everything he's probably capable of......
But yeah the Freudians of the world will need entertainment....and for their sake(see I am absolutely unselfish and my motives are completely transperant)....I shall take the "UN"desirable under my wing...laughoutloudandclearshrillandsheer.....and train him.....laughoutloudandclearshrillandsheeragain........to entertain the Freudians....laughoutloudandclearshrillandsheerandagain.....
Well ofcourse my motives arent completely honest...but if its any consolation....neither is my heart....so no love lost there...
Goodnight Love
Urs a little edgy..
Choleric
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Of squishes and Eraser Alerts...
Beloved Howard,
Would it truly be sinful to feel a certain inexplicable attraction towards an unattractable being??...yes you get me wrong Howard....again very presumptiously....you misinterpret my very being....
The string has been snapped and the void has been automatically generated, not in spirit...of course...only in the physically unavoidable dynamics...
And hence, the void(read horniness)....seeks and sniffs out...and snorts chemical abuse sometimes as well.., the unattractable, the untouchable, the unrelatable, and the unwantable..
So the real question here being.....what if an immortal being falls for a very mortal being.....what if the object of my desire is the undesirable.....??????
Would it be the classic case of Hercules falling for the villgae girl..or whatever she was??...Would it be the undefined chartered jetplane Im not leaving on??....Despite my bags being packed??...
Despite me being ready to go??...Standing right outside the door??..WOuld another undesirable attarction pull me back into my blackhole of non-existence....and a surro-gate of insecurities....
OR
Would this "undesirable" be my placebo...for wounds I never tolerated and boys I never scorned...????......Would it be my innuenedo for every chastising song I ever sang??....Would the Eraser Provider finally be the one I cuddle upto??
EEEEYYYYYYUUUUUCKKKHHHHHHHH!!!....If it weren't me on this side of the screen I would perhaps want to discreditand divest myself of all honor and shame.....and ofcourse exend the hand out of the screen and give myself a fucking BITCHSLAP!!.....
More on the undesirable...after these messages.....
Goodnight Howard
Urs very much in desire
Choleric
Would it truly be sinful to feel a certain inexplicable attraction towards an unattractable being??...yes you get me wrong Howard....again very presumptiously....you misinterpret my very being....
The string has been snapped and the void has been automatically generated, not in spirit...of course...only in the physically unavoidable dynamics...
And hence, the void(read horniness)....seeks and sniffs out...and snorts chemical abuse sometimes as well.., the unattractable, the untouchable, the unrelatable, and the unwantable..
So the real question here being.....what if an immortal being falls for a very mortal being.....what if the object of my desire is the undesirable.....??????
Would it be the classic case of Hercules falling for the villgae girl..or whatever she was??...Would it be the undefined chartered jetplane Im not leaving on??....Despite my bags being packed??...
Despite me being ready to go??...Standing right outside the door??..WOuld another undesirable attarction pull me back into my blackhole of non-existence....and a surro-gate of insecurities....
OR
Would this "undesirable" be my placebo...for wounds I never tolerated and boys I never scorned...????......Would it be my innuenedo for every chastising song I ever sang??....Would the Eraser Provider finally be the one I cuddle upto??
EEEEYYYYYYUUUUUCKKKHHHHHHHH!!!....If it weren't me on this side of the screen I would perhaps want to discreditand divest myself of all honor and shame.....and ofcourse exend the hand out of the screen and give myself a fucking BITCHSLAP!!.....
More on the undesirable...after these messages.....
Goodnight Howard
Urs very much in desire
Choleric
Monday, February 2, 2009
And the Strings were snapped...and it was all good...
Beloved Howard,
Perhaps the most dramatic excommunication after Michelangelo...who FYI was all about the thrill.....has occured....
It has been of the string, that should have been snapped a long time ago...and still hangs by embers of lust and the last few drops of Tequila, and YOURS TRULY....
Perhaps it was meant to be....well of course it was meant to be....who else in this anthropogenically altered state of mind could not have foreseen this snap...a call could however mend things.....but this time the snap is subconsciouss....and has occured due to an unapologetic and definitely an unalterable, unquestionable state of mind....
There can always be various reasons for such a snap...but the only thing and the most mundane and obvious reason comes to mind.....a simple act of cruelty....a simple misplaced sense of chivalry....and a drastic disregard for humanity...and of hypocrisy.....things many people loathe.....but dont quite understand.....as cruel as it may sound....there is never an explanation for the subconsciouss...its just perturbingly absolute...infact quite surprisingly unflinching...and yes AGAIN...very absolute......
Goodnight Howard
urs Free at Last
Choleric
Perhaps the most dramatic excommunication after Michelangelo...who FYI was all about the thrill.....has occured....
It has been of the string, that should have been snapped a long time ago...and still hangs by embers of lust and the last few drops of Tequila, and YOURS TRULY....
Perhaps it was meant to be....well of course it was meant to be....who else in this anthropogenically altered state of mind could not have foreseen this snap...a call could however mend things.....but this time the snap is subconsciouss....and has occured due to an unapologetic and definitely an unalterable, unquestionable state of mind....
There can always be various reasons for such a snap...but the only thing and the most mundane and obvious reason comes to mind.....a simple act of cruelty....a simple misplaced sense of chivalry....and a drastic disregard for humanity...and of hypocrisy.....things many people loathe.....but dont quite understand.....as cruel as it may sound....there is never an explanation for the subconsciouss...its just perturbingly absolute...infact quite surprisingly unflinching...and yes AGAIN...very absolute......
Goodnight Howard
urs Free at Last
Choleric
Friday, January 23, 2009
The Classic Case of Mysterious Encounters....
Beloved Howard,
For the nth time in my not so uneventful life....I had an extremely unfathomable experience.....its not even percievable by anyone....like not even the Freudians of the world or even the Rand followers cannot predict....
JEEEESUUUUSSSS CHRIST!!!
Its was an experience worth mentioning in the hall of encounters....
Guess who I came across??....
MEEEEEE!!...yes...as infinitely impossible as it may seem....the encounter was indeed with a man as well...flambouyant, and so many other things as me....looked exactly like me...and picked up a cigarette in the same manner as I do......of course even his reason for lighting up was seemingly the same as mine....
He seemed to understand the need to do something not because he wanted to do it...he probably hates conforming to the standards of regular smokers.....but just happened to notice the expectant stares in his vicious vicnity(namely Me)...and lit up for the mundane reason of complying......actuallyt more like obliging.....and directing the vicious stares in other directions...
It definitely worked with souls not exactly aware of the procedure...but got me to stare harder...coz I was just sooo damn CURIOUS!!!!.....and btw...remind me to ask for hash from the sadhus in Rishikesh next time I go.....
anyhow...the experience is over and as am i.....
"the knows reasons that reson cannot understand"....whoever said that was obviously stoned outta his testicles...
goodnight Howard
urs over it
Choleric
For the nth time in my not so uneventful life....I had an extremely unfathomable experience.....its not even percievable by anyone....like not even the Freudians of the world or even the Rand followers cannot predict....
JEEEESUUUUSSSS CHRIST!!!
Its was an experience worth mentioning in the hall of encounters....
Guess who I came across??....
MEEEEEE!!...yes...as infinitely impossible as it may seem....the encounter was indeed with a man as well...flambouyant, and so many other things as me....looked exactly like me...and picked up a cigarette in the same manner as I do......of course even his reason for lighting up was seemingly the same as mine....
He seemed to understand the need to do something not because he wanted to do it...he probably hates conforming to the standards of regular smokers.....but just happened to notice the expectant stares in his vicious vicnity(namely Me)...and lit up for the mundane reason of complying......actuallyt more like obliging.....and directing the vicious stares in other directions...
It definitely worked with souls not exactly aware of the procedure...but got me to stare harder...coz I was just sooo damn CURIOUS!!!!.....and btw...remind me to ask for hash from the sadhus in Rishikesh next time I go.....
anyhow...the experience is over and as am i.....
"the knows reasons that reson cannot understand"....whoever said that was obviously stoned outta his testicles...
goodnight Howard
urs over it
Choleric
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The Insectivore Carnival...
Beloved Howard,
Today, just as yesterday, was an extraordinary day in the ever so extraordinary life of ME, ME, ME....not apologising for being self consumed..
So my dear Howard, the ascension of a new species of insects has been prophesised for nearly a year now.....and after a loooong loooong HARD wait...the ascension has come through....the insectiovorous insect has finally broken out of his winged shell..n yeah im guessing that he's missing out on so much now.......but he's seeing the world through my eyes...n u know how unique and quite modestly fortunate that is my beloved...
The insectivore in question is the accomplice i was referring to in a previous letter...who's fall was very orantely obvious....but somehow...my love....this was completely untrue and he emerged as someone completely new....as the Insectvore....
And my turf is now adorned by his presence on the equally arbit throne, as we sit every dusk, of course not till dawn, and observe mortal subjects...
The insectivore inspires in me a new reason for existence, a new feathered mask I want to fluff up against my "layer" of dry skin, and a new wardrobe to appease my limerick fantasies...
He construes me for exactly what I am, whihc can of course be quite disconcerting for someone as predictable as me...n definitely very very sad that this person completely knows the reason behind EVRYTHING i do....of course one thing the insect does not have is my sense of discerning a person, a situation or even a subconsciouss...
He still has a lot to learn...but yes...this is a formal announcement of his arrival..on the scene....the INSECTIVORE has arrived Howard...n he's definitely here to last...laughoutloudshrillandclearohsoloudmydear.......
goodnight Love
urs in infestation
Choleric
Today, just as yesterday, was an extraordinary day in the ever so extraordinary life of ME, ME, ME....not apologising for being self consumed..
So my dear Howard, the ascension of a new species of insects has been prophesised for nearly a year now.....and after a loooong loooong HARD wait...the ascension has come through....the insectiovorous insect has finally broken out of his winged shell..n yeah im guessing that he's missing out on so much now.......but he's seeing the world through my eyes...n u know how unique and quite modestly fortunate that is my beloved...
The insectivore in question is the accomplice i was referring to in a previous letter...who's fall was very orantely obvious....but somehow...my love....this was completely untrue and he emerged as someone completely new....as the Insectvore....
And my turf is now adorned by his presence on the equally arbit throne, as we sit every dusk, of course not till dawn, and observe mortal subjects...
The insectivore inspires in me a new reason for existence, a new feathered mask I want to fluff up against my "layer" of dry skin, and a new wardrobe to appease my limerick fantasies...
He construes me for exactly what I am, whihc can of course be quite disconcerting for someone as predictable as me...n definitely very very sad that this person completely knows the reason behind EVRYTHING i do....of course one thing the insect does not have is my sense of discerning a person, a situation or even a subconsciouss...
He still has a lot to learn...but yes...this is a formal announcement of his arrival..on the scene....the INSECTIVORE has arrived Howard...n he's definitely here to last...laughoutloudshrillandclearohsoloudmydear.......
goodnight Love
urs in infestation
Choleric
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
And The Joey also falls..
Beloved Howard,
Today, as in the spirit of the declarations made previously...I have snapped another weight down my pants...n I have in aprallel dimension....sorta regained some lost soul mass....so to say...my soul/mass index is now much higher than them lesser mortals again...
SIGHHHH......now that thats done...and the road to redemption seems relatively easy yet again....I am up for another sin....
But let us pray(lowpitchmoan).....and recall all that we are thankful for...Shall we Roxie??..
"The name on Cholera Boy's lips was always...
Joey..
The baby rakin in ma dibs was always
Joey...
He said(quietlywhisperedtonobodyinparticular)..
'Ur Gonna be a celebrity..
That menas somebody everyone knows...
They're gonna recognize ur cuffs, ur capes, ur jeans, ur ties, ur throws....'
From just some dumb Bengali's wife he came to be..
Joey....
Who said that sulkin's not an art??...
And who in sase had stuck it out....
They'd say has got a fabulous pout......
JOOOOOEYYYY's (fragile) Heart!!!"
Bows to applause and exits..and waits for Choleric to escape the ewwwww so creepy clutches of poetry.....and return to the B_E_A_utiful lust of the prose....
You know wat they say right?......The SEX is in the heel.......
Goodnight Howard
urs outta bondage
Choleric
Today, as in the spirit of the declarations made previously...I have snapped another weight down my pants...n I have in aprallel dimension....sorta regained some lost soul mass....so to say...my soul/mass index is now much higher than them lesser mortals again...
SIGHHHH......now that thats done...and the road to redemption seems relatively easy yet again....I am up for another sin....
But let us pray(lowpitchmoan).....and recall all that we are thankful for...Shall we Roxie??..
"The name on Cholera Boy's lips was always...
Joey..
The baby rakin in ma dibs was always
Joey...
He said(quietlywhisperedtonobodyinparticular)..
'Ur Gonna be a celebrity..
That menas somebody everyone knows...
They're gonna recognize ur cuffs, ur capes, ur jeans, ur ties, ur throws....'
From just some dumb Bengali's wife he came to be..
Joey....
Who said that sulkin's not an art??...
And who in sase had stuck it out....
They'd say has got a fabulous pout......
JOOOOOEYYYY's (fragile) Heart!!!"
Bows to applause and exits..and waits for Choleric to escape the ewwwww so creepy clutches of poetry.....and return to the B_E_A_utiful lust of the prose....
You know wat they say right?......The SEX is in the heel.......
Goodnight Howard
urs outta bondage
Choleric
Monday, January 19, 2009
All outta Love...
Beloved Howard,
The breathlessness has settled and I can see clearly now......my heart rate has resumed its original uneven quickstep and my pulse has resigned to the old ways of unpredictability.....even my sweat glands have resumed their arbit vague vanity....
I can see clearly now, because I was made to see it through the haze of the millionth smokaccino, through the haze of many many more tasksnottastes at hand......through the slow murmur of the "whispered nothings"...and through the carelessness of a scent that refuses to leave....this one even more Satanic than the last intimate one...
I can see clearly now, for I was, against popular opinion told so by a much simpler smile.....a much more reasoned answer, and a much more concerned action....to not complicate my life than it already is...and for once..it made sense to me.....narcissism gets the best outta me....
Everything has been drawn into something less than a toenail and something more than a hair...struggling against the throat muscles to be let out...scratching against raw unprotected and unexposed flesh....
Things are clearer because I am not allowing myself this one discretion this one time.....the original sin at the cost of the eternal sin....
The world is spinning on its longitudes again and is flat again....it doesnt need to be a sphere anymore......it doesnot require to spin evenly on any axis...
I am Howard.....much to my own surpirise....this time not the cause for my heartbreak....
And while it may seem inexplicable on my part....this is one time...I refuse to share....
Goodnight My Lover
Urs in mourning
Choleric....not so sexy anymore...
The breathlessness has settled and I can see clearly now......my heart rate has resumed its original uneven quickstep and my pulse has resigned to the old ways of unpredictability.....even my sweat glands have resumed their arbit vague vanity....
I can see clearly now, because I was made to see it through the haze of the millionth smokaccino, through the haze of many many more tasksnottastes at hand......through the slow murmur of the "whispered nothings"...and through the carelessness of a scent that refuses to leave....this one even more Satanic than the last intimate one...
I can see clearly now, for I was, against popular opinion told so by a much simpler smile.....a much more reasoned answer, and a much more concerned action....to not complicate my life than it already is...and for once..it made sense to me.....narcissism gets the best outta me....
Everything has been drawn into something less than a toenail and something more than a hair...struggling against the throat muscles to be let out...scratching against raw unprotected and unexposed flesh....
Things are clearer because I am not allowing myself this one discretion this one time.....the original sin at the cost of the eternal sin....
The world is spinning on its longitudes again and is flat again....it doesnt need to be a sphere anymore......it doesnot require to spin evenly on any axis...
I am Howard.....much to my own surpirise....this time not the cause for my heartbreak....
And while it may seem inexplicable on my part....this is one time...I refuse to share....
Goodnight My Lover
Urs in mourning
Choleric....not so sexy anymore...
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Breathing Disorders...
Beloved Howard,
"I know this is gonna sound really stupid,...but i really wanna kiss you right now.."
Ok, so that was perhaps not the best opening line to a conversation....
How are you doing Howard?....My life has been...well....suffice it to say....quite a mouthful....
Infact, if there were any more theatrics in my life rite now.....id perhaps make the cut for the oh-so-hyped oscars....not that i have anything against them....NO SIR....
So yeah u can totally call me a distasteful fool...and a SUCKER for romance....but for once in my life...conforming to my own not so genuine beliefs....Im gonna swallow it down and say "Sure.."
Let's evalute the recent events...
Besides the Princess reclaiming some of the old lost charm, and the Shakes his Belly like a bowlful of Jelly guy finally fiding his calling, The Freudian completely foegetting about me, the Demon Hairdresser from Snake Garden finally confronting her fears, the Wicked stepsisters finally taking a backseat, the Insectivore remaining in denial as i think is his destiny and finally Krishna admitting Love.....there has still been a lot more in MY OWN life...
Remember the Trick??....yeah the one to very smartly exit and reenter without coveting a fair apology...yeah the one who brought me face to face with HIV.....and oh-so many things Ive already sang upon....
OKAY...now i know for a fact that this will my Darling Howard....knock the wind out of ur lungs....and i hope ur head....
I have as always been destined to act out as the "Other Man"....and in this scenario I am yet again...the man with the mission...the mission being what exactly.....nobody is particualrly aware......not even the ones to assign the Titles....oh how I wish I were just a mere Lord...those titles would be much easier to handle.....but a MISSION???....me?????
okay so wats in it for me??.....Krishna quite laid it out flat for me....im the one into it...n im the one whos gonna "get hurt real bad".....n im the one it just for the pure emotion....
well i was quite prompt in pointing out, as i just did for u....that im a sucker for romance....CHEAP, CLICHED, UNORIGINAL, UNTHOUGHTOF, and it doesnt have to be a grocerylist of encounters....no...it will suffice if its just a lil peck, a scrape, a grasp, a yell, a moan, a flower, and of course a wooden pendant....u know how im a sucker for wood!!!!!!!........laughoutloudandclearshrillandsheerrightnowrighthere.......
"These Boots are Made for Walking
Thats just wat theyll do..
One of these days boots are gonna walk all over you....."......Nancy Sinatra was perhaps thinking of Me(philofthefuture).......and the cumulative shoe...when she thought up that song...
ofcourse while singing it....i hope it was me in drag.....
well thats enough for me.....
ill let you finish it Howard....tell me...howz the underworld treatin ya????....ill furnish u with more of them "IT" words next time.....luuuuurrrve..
Goodnight then Howard
urs in Boots
Choleric
"I know this is gonna sound really stupid,...but i really wanna kiss you right now.."
Ok, so that was perhaps not the best opening line to a conversation....
How are you doing Howard?....My life has been...well....suffice it to say....quite a mouthful....
Infact, if there were any more theatrics in my life rite now.....id perhaps make the cut for the oh-so-hyped oscars....not that i have anything against them....NO SIR....
So yeah u can totally call me a distasteful fool...and a SUCKER for romance....but for once in my life...conforming to my own not so genuine beliefs....Im gonna swallow it down and say "Sure.."
Let's evalute the recent events...
Besides the Princess reclaiming some of the old lost charm, and the Shakes his Belly like a bowlful of Jelly guy finally fiding his calling, The Freudian completely foegetting about me, the Demon Hairdresser from Snake Garden finally confronting her fears, the Wicked stepsisters finally taking a backseat, the Insectivore remaining in denial as i think is his destiny and finally Krishna admitting Love.....there has still been a lot more in MY OWN life...
Remember the Trick??....yeah the one to very smartly exit and reenter without coveting a fair apology...yeah the one who brought me face to face with HIV.....and oh-so many things Ive already sang upon....
OKAY...now i know for a fact that this will my Darling Howard....knock the wind out of ur lungs....and i hope ur head....
I have as always been destined to act out as the "Other Man"....and in this scenario I am yet again...the man with the mission...the mission being what exactly.....nobody is particualrly aware......not even the ones to assign the Titles....oh how I wish I were just a mere Lord...those titles would be much easier to handle.....but a MISSION???....me?????
okay so wats in it for me??.....Krishna quite laid it out flat for me....im the one into it...n im the one whos gonna "get hurt real bad".....n im the one it just for the pure emotion....
well i was quite prompt in pointing out, as i just did for u....that im a sucker for romance....CHEAP, CLICHED, UNORIGINAL, UNTHOUGHTOF, and it doesnt have to be a grocerylist of encounters....no...it will suffice if its just a lil peck, a scrape, a grasp, a yell, a moan, a flower, and of course a wooden pendant....u know how im a sucker for wood!!!!!!!........laughoutloudandclearshrillandsheerrightnowrighthere.......
"These Boots are Made for Walking
Thats just wat theyll do..
One of these days boots are gonna walk all over you....."......Nancy Sinatra was perhaps thinking of Me(philofthefuture).......and the cumulative shoe...when she thought up that song...
ofcourse while singing it....i hope it was me in drag.....
well thats enough for me.....
ill let you finish it Howard....tell me...howz the underworld treatin ya????....ill furnish u with more of them "IT" words next time.....luuuuurrrve..
Goodnight then Howard
urs in Boots
Choleric
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Sam rises on the WestCoast..
Beloved Howard,
All is well....well, not really but isn't that how we're suppoosed to start a letter??....at least one filled with words of endearment...
Just so you know, in the afterlife, FYI and BTW are the new things around town...
FYI= Frequently Yodeled Inspiration, and BTW= Bretheren To Worship....
So FYI, guess whos back in town...n guess who loves to sing apologies..n guess whos stupid enough to fall for the same ol crap all over again.......yep.....you got most of that right....n THIS BTW is the aftereffect of an ignored message for a date....
So trust me..well don't coz I'm stupid....lemme express it however......i AM not gonna eat anymore of THIS particular letch's crap anymore....This person can return to their not-even-close-to-the-way-I-look "...life lasting ""love""...".......yeahwatever......
Well anyways, till the time that i get over it......you'll have to very "dearly" convince me that i can do better than that...and that im worth a lot more....
All is well....well, not really but isn't that how we're suppoosed to start a letter??....at least one filled with words of endearment...
Just so you know, in the afterlife, FYI and BTW are the new things around town...
FYI= Frequently Yodeled Inspiration, and BTW= Bretheren To Worship....
So FYI, guess whos back in town...n guess who loves to sing apologies..n guess whos stupid enough to fall for the same ol crap all over again.......yep.....you got most of that right....n THIS BTW is the aftereffect of an ignored message for a date....
So trust me..well don't coz I'm stupid....lemme express it however......i AM not gonna eat anymore of THIS particular letch's crap anymore....This person can return to their not-even-close-to-the-way-I-look "...life lasting ""love""...".......yeahwatever......
Well anyways, till the time that i get over it......you'll have to very "dearly" convince me that i can do better than that...and that im worth a lot more....
The only thing that would perhaps bring me out would be my tie.....just one of those objects that does somehting to u...in its mere existence......a recall to all gifts unknown and unexpected....on a wholly unsuspecting casual day, in times when gifts are least expected as reasons are short.....
However, im sure ur empathies with me onthis are zilch, nothing, nada, non, uns, ZEROOOO.....oh sometimes u make me regret the very day i started writing these letters to u.....if it wasn't for u Howard...id probably be locked up in a facility.....and of course my Pink Tie...the mother gift of all gifts....the gift that will one dya change my life......only the neither the gift nor my life know that..
But you do Howard..so instead of wasting my time here....I should actully go and work on chinging my life......as demonic as that may sound to u...and as mortal as it may aound to me.....its gotta be done....the bitch MUST be killed
goodnight mate
urs in vogue
Choleric
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Happy??
Dearest Howard,
Happy?? New year.....
what is that supposed to mean anyways...are you telling people to Have a happy ew year..or are u askin them to??....are u just hopin they would??....well the last one makes no sense.....why would i care about other people's new year??
oh forgive me..if i sound like a hag..ive just had a long year...
yep...this has GOT to be the most eventful year of my life...just really REALLY long.....
isnt its technically SUPPOSED to feel short wen its been as eventful as mine??
well dats all i gotta say really...
may this one help me forget you
Happy New Year Howard
Goodnight Love
urs happily
Choleric
Happy?? New year.....
what is that supposed to mean anyways...are you telling people to Have a happy ew year..or are u askin them to??....are u just hopin they would??....well the last one makes no sense.....why would i care about other people's new year??
oh forgive me..if i sound like a hag..ive just had a long year...
yep...this has GOT to be the most eventful year of my life...just really REALLY long.....
isnt its technically SUPPOSED to feel short wen its been as eventful as mine??
well dats all i gotta say really...
may this one help me forget you
Happy New Year Howard
Goodnight Love
urs happily
Choleric
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
