An Apology...

Beloved Howard,
Hat in hand, off my high horse, tail between my legs and my head bowed down...I come to thee love....to seek forgiveness....for the accusations I have cast upon my father in the garb of reasoned anlysis.....the accusations I cast without emotion or feeling....without the slightest intent that he is the only man I would actually truly love until enternity....the only man who could eer have been fit to be my father....and Why??....you may ask....did I accuse him??....Just the usual I believe....to hide behind another skirt and not face or as we discussed earlier....confront my own ghosts....
The reason...that I gather Howard for my inanity as ususal...is my sense of immortality whenever Im around you....even in word...as I am now....and my inexplicable sense of mortality.....when Im faced another day as a faggot in this very very nasty world.....to which I have nothing but actually added more nastiness....
The world as we know it...might as well have been the creation of another such character known as the GossipGirl.....much ado about like me.....
"All the Worlds a stage..".......enough of my life's obsession......Im a boy...a real boy....or at least i want to be.....(looks deeply in the eye of his "real" mother).....and the mother sez....fetch the blue fairy....she will make you a real boy....
The faggot however has no sense of "the world" and departs ona a"heavenly abode".....much like mine at age of fifteen....and discovers boys....something he was told to never look at in the manner he was looking at them.....life's a bitch...he soon realizes.....he even tries drugs a coupla times....nah....not workin for me mannnnnnn.........the boy moves on...discovers hes actually good at something.....becomes the next best thing in his line of chosen profession...and still keeps looking for love....he comes across love many times......in the form of girls....or friends.....the boy gets old and wise...but not loved a day more.....just admired, respected, slept with....not loved....
His desperation gets the better of him......and he starts questioning his very existence...and the purpose of one such loveless existence....an existece where the world doesnot move according to his clock and his axis....
He questions his decisions, his choices, his lust, his power, his talent and......his very existence....and hence in the outrage spits venom against the only people who have accepted and actually loved him for whatever mistakes he has made...
You understand right Howard??.....You forgive me right Howard???....is this act ego-maniacal enough for you to forgive me??.....
Goodnight Love

Urs in Biding.....
Choleric