The Story of a Death Foretold...

Dear Howard,
Today i come to you, procrastinated, off my high horse and tail between my legs....and despite ur atrocities against me...I am....even in my own dream world...finally acknowledging the need for such a feeling inside me....the feeling of being tamed, being conquered, being hooked...
A subject, a slave, whatever, once told me that the pleasure in pain was undefinable and could not be put down in words...because perhaps it could not be compared with anything I had already experienced.....that worked as a placebo for me....my pacifier... for it gave me an extreme sense of superiority...anything i couldnt relate to....was perhaps not worth relating to..
But today, is when you got me Howard.....today....you see me in my seamless bodysuit, my self jacquard lace and my mother of pearl necklace........these are perhaps the only things I was ACTUALLY born with....
So Howard, let's evaluate(for the six hundredth times) our short but life-altering stint....
It all perhaps started when a cape seeker wished me to adorn her with my beauty...and using her as a cover...I discovered YOU Howard..
YOU......the beacon of light...among a thousand suns......YOU....the only actual KEEPER of the light.....YOU...the life and soul of whatever I may call mortal...
It was our first night-long conversation that left me gasping for breath Howard..quite literally..I was too high on weed.....and int he midst of all the gasping and the retching....I told myself...this is the only who shall carry my heart....oh what a vestige it has been to me anyways.......
And guess wat...despite my constant badgering you like a lovelorn mother nature...and despite my ACTUAL love for you....you denied me...WHY Howard WHY??
i already know the answer...a part of you wanted me to suffer for who I am..and since you couldnt directly shower me with suffering....you chose to let me do it to me......another of your blind fallacies Howard....if there is one thing you should've known about me...it was that i CANNOT suffer...i AM wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much of a narcissist...and guess who lead me to discover the most beautiful side of me....the most lovable side of me..even if not..it grew on me....i was persistent.....i MADE me fall in love with me..to perhaps fall out of love with you??...
And then, the Coup-de-Grace....on me.....for being what YOU made me??...
If only life gave people like you secod chances..you would be at my feet..begging for forgiveness....well...ur not as dramatic...but I could put my money on the fact that you still wish i were beig tamed by thee.....
Forgive me father..i was Vain....

Goodnight Howard(six feet under)
Yours in Reminiscence...
Choleric